To Be or Not to Be | hamilton

eighteen : thomas

{burnt-letters proof i wrote from the rooftop of my house lmao}
{anorexia mention, "survivors guilt" for i lack better words}

Thomas Jefferson felt like shit, simplest put.

He never thought things would turn out as they did. Siding with Henry... Thomas almost killed Alexander, John, Lafayette, and Hercules. It was his fault, because he bailed Henry out of jail.

Stupid!

He was staring at his phone, the screen blackened due to inactivity. Thomas was still and unmoving, not even noticing when Burr and Madison walked in.

Burr sauntered up next to him. "I found something else out about Alex, if you wanna ruin him-"

"No," Thomas said flatly.

"Are you sure? It's pretty juicy, and-"

"No."

"I think we should tell people-"

"No."

"Jeffs, what's wrong?" Madison sat down next to him and began rubbing his back soothingly.

"This is my fault," he allowed himself to whisper once more.

Burr sat next to him. "I've known Alexander for a while-"

"I know."

"- so I can tell your first-hand that he-"

"I know."

"- is bound to ruin himself, so you just kinda sped-"

"I. Know."

"- the process along."

Jefferson looked at him, even his suit of purple looking damper on him. "I know. But it's still my fault."

"Well, yeah," Madison said after a long and awkward silence. "But, on the plus side, Henry won't be coming back anymore. That's because of you."

"I suppose."

Truth be told, all three men were regretting the way the ever treated Alexander Hamilton and John Laurens. After they had seen Henry's wrath, and saw where it landed the duo, they all began to realise not all lives are perfect. And they were only making it worse. But Thomas took it the hardest, and it was concerning. Burr and Madison would both hear him cry at night, and it filled them both with pity.

"Thomas... you need to stop moping around. John is fine now."

"Have you seen his weight?"

"That's his eating disorder-"

"I could be the reason he has it."

"It's his father. Not you."

"How do you know?"

Burr smiled. "I may or may not have snooped one of his conversations with Professor Washington."

"He could have been lying."

"Yet he lied about his abuse. So, no, it's not your fault."

"Okay... then I... I made him hate himself!"

"You're a minimal cause. Besides, he's trying to get better now."

"He wouldn't be like that if not for me."

Thomas' phone rang. He looked down with a sigh, picking it up when he saw Angelica's contact name. "H-hello?"

"Thomas," the woman on the other line said placidly. "We need you over here."