To Be or Not to Be | hamilton

twenty-seven : aaron

{ @ the person who gave me that anon confession: you made my day bless you youre amazing wow thank you so much and also also also KatherineKubi thank you for the dedication! im crying ahhh thank you!!}

Aaron Burr knew his friend was going to die since the first time he was high.

Alexander was... reckless, simplest put.

Him and Alexander had been friends since the ninth grade, and though Alexander hated to admit it, they had a rocky start. But then again, his whole relationship with the drug addict was nothing if not littered with turmoil.

Alexander had been Aaron's tutor, but he wasn't quiet about his superiority.

Once the two became intellectual equals, around sophomore or junior year, it was as if Alexander began to see Aaron Burr in another light. Burr wasn't his student anymore, he was a nice man, but a man with the power tk destroy him nonetheless.

But they still stayed close. Perhaps Aaron was oblivious to the tension, maybe he wanted to push through that. Whatever the reason, the two were inseparable, even through their fights. To an outsider, it must have been fretfully confusing.

Then they hit their junior year. Alexander had no issue getting into college; it was Aaron who struggled.

Alexander had supported him at first, telling him eventually a college would like him. But that was the issue- the word eventually. His whole junior year was spent desperately applying to college, or crying over a rejection letter. He would never be Alexander, he realised. Aaron would always just be in his shadow, never his equal.

When senior year rolled around, though, Alexander began to pity Aaron. He was back to Alexander's doll, Alexander's inferior student. It was to the point Alexander had gotten Aaron into college. Burr applied, and Alexander left a good word.

Alexander was simultaneously Aaron's best dream and worst nightmare. Aaron was the stage when he wanted to be the actor. Alexander was always the actor, using Aaron as needed.

But Aaron couldn't just leave him; Alexander had fallen into a pit of prostitution, and Aaron saw the chance to rise to popularity in helping his friend.

Of course, that failed. They went to college, Alexander a whore and Aaron a shadow.

And then the bad got worse- Alexander turned to drugs.

Aaron realised then that Alexander was someone he needed to care for, not so he could create his own shadow, but so his friend- or enemy- didn't die.

But clearly, that didn't work.

In the one- almost two- years they were in college, Alexander had gone from a straight-A student to a straight-B student. He no longer had time for friends, much less Aaron. He no longer slept or ate properly, and had too much of a dynamic emotional range.

Aaron tried to stop it, he really did. He figured out where all the parties and raves were to save his friend before the police came, tried to dissuade him from drugs, did some of his schoolwork to make sure he could stay in college.

Alexander was past the point of being saved, though, Aaron learned.

Finally, there he was. Ten days until his death date, finally realising the dangers of drugs. Finally heeding Aaron's advice.

Aaron didn't know if he should laugh or cry, and then he saw Alexander, and decided to cry.

His friend always had sunken-in eyes, but now that was at a whole other level. His eyes looked shattered, accented by dark, heavier-than-normal bags. His skin was pale, but he looked on the verge of sweats. Alexander looked like the death he was about to become, and it broke Aaron.

"I've gotten worse," Alexander told him, never one to pity Aaron. "More clots. And something else, some long disease I can't name. Basically, they'll be putting me out of my misery on the twenty-eighth no matter what. You're the only one I've told."

"G-God," Aaron whispered.

"I should have listened to you," Alexander apologised, sounding close to tears himself. "I put myself here. I'm so sorry."

Aaron forced himself to stop crying before answering Alexander. "W-why do you have to... d-die?!"

"All good things must end..."

"Are you in pain?"

Alexander nodded once. "A lot." Alexander's voice broke, and Aaron began to cry again.

"Fuck," he sighed when the two stopped crying. "I love you, man. I'm gonna miss you."

"Stay, please."

Aaron did as asked, wondering what had happened to his friend. Wondering why he couldnt stop it sooner.