To Be or Not to Be | hamilton

twenty-four : peggy

Peggy shouldn't feel mad.

After all, her date was ruined for a good reason. Alexander
was dying. Her friend had a blood clot, and her and Thomas needed to be there for him and John.

But she was still upset her date was cut short. After all, they hadn't had dessert! This was her first date with Thomas, and now she would look at it and think not of her happiness with Thomas but rather Alexander instead.

When would she get a break?

Peggy was mad, but she knew she shouldn't, which made her feel guilty.

Thomas had assured her it was okay, and that they would go on another date. He had promised, and Peggy liked promises.

But still... it was her first date, and not just her first date with Thomas. Her first ever date. And Alexander, like in all other affairs, stuck his nose in places it shouldn't be.

Her and Thomas were by Alexander's side. Thomas- oddly enough- was praying, and Peggy was gripping his hand. She had hope that by squeezing his hand, she could transfer some of her life to him.

And John... John was a sobbing, blubbering mess. He was gripping Alexander's hand shakily, whispering to himself. Peggy knew better than to talk to him, but he looked so... devastated. Peggy couldn't blame him. After all, Alexander meant everything to John. Alexander was the one there for him, Alexander was his boyfriend, Alexander was his lifeline in the most literal of senses. And now his lifeline was withering away, and so was he.

The doctors said he still had two months more.

He would be awake at points, but given the time (and probably pain) Alexander was in, he was asleep.

"Thomas," Peggy whispered as Alexander's face tightened and broke out in a sheen of sweat in his sleep. "He... will he be okay?"

Thomas paused his prayer. "Yes. He has to be."

}{

"Peggy, please calm down," Angelica said the following morning as she made coffee. "I'm worried for Alex. We all are. But it won't change the future."

Peggy stared at her coffee. "I... I just... what if he dies?!"

Angelica sighed. "Then he dies. I know that's harsh, but it's the truth. He will die. We will cry, but we will move on. His memories will make us smile instead of cry, and we will be at peace. But, it is possible he lives. Only the future will know."

"I'm scared, Angelica."

"I'm scared too, Peggy. Anything could happen."

"Why aren't miracles real?"

"They are real." Angelica chose her words carefully, each one feeling heavy with the weight of truth. "But they are rare. We must have faith he will live- that's all we can do."

Eliza walked in then, and the way she looked hit Peggy hard in the chest.

Her clothes weren't even proper pyjamas, they were the clothes she had worn the day before, but now they were crinkled and crumpled. Her makeup was smeared on her face, lining her cheeks with dirty tear tracks. Her eyes were rimmed red, as was her cheeks and the tip of her nose. Her hair was a frizzy, tangled mess. Her posture was curved inward. She looked.. defeated.

"Alexander," she choked out, hugging Peggy. "Alexander."

"I know," Peggy whispered back, rubbing Eliza's back and closing her eyes. "He'll be okay. He has to be."

}{

Even Lafayette was quieter without Alexander.

Peggy had gone over to his dorm to talk to him, but he didn't say much. And when he did, it was small French phrases Peggy couldn't translate.

Alexander had thrown a possible storm over everyone's life, and Peggy was hoping it wouldn't rain. She didn't have an umbrella.