Unconditional (Book Two)

18. Unrecovered Recovery

Jim's POV

The plane hits ground hardly when it lands in LA, and I open my eyes in shock as if a bullet had just crossed my skin. I see Mayim is up at my side with her eyes focused on her book, and at the sight of my awakening, she puts it down and looks at me with a smile.

"Hi," she says, as the plane slows down.

"Hello," I reply, rubbing my left eye. "Did I sleep all flight?"

She nods, and leans forward to the bottom of the seat in front of her to grab her bag. "Though you did talk in your sleep."

I throw her a confused look at this, and struggle to speak. 

"What were you dreaming?"

Dreaming? What was I drea—but I recall, and my body fills in with the love, desire, pleasure, connection, and beauty of the dream once again. I can't help but blush a little and smirk, though at the same time I feel some emptiness in my chest at the fact that I am east and she is west...and what I dreamt has no chance of ever happening. Some days ago, I would've thought that what my mind was wandering about last night during my sleep was more of a jailed memory than a dream. I got to say that it felt more real than anything else in the world, but thinking of it as a memory is—now I recognize—the most ridiculous thing I could ever think, even though I do find it hard to accept completely.

"What did I say?" I ask with curiosity.

Mayim smiles, and gets a little bit closer to me. "You whispered that you loved Amelie. Is that true?"

I feel my limbs transforming themselves into liquid, as she mentions it. The smirk in my face is suddenly lost, and my chest feels empty once again. I hesitate to even speak a word...oh what hesitating? I can't even speak a word. My tongue is tied in a nervous knot, though I can't fool anyone because I'm aware of what my dream was about. What I spilled during my sleep could have been worse.

"Is that true, Jim?" Mayim repeats, as she just stares at my anxious and upset face.
I nod, leaving her eyes and focusing them on my lap. I feel how the river starts flowing on my eyes again. I didn't want to leave her; I wanted her on my side, but there was no way, and there is now way that could ever happen.

"Is that why you're so sad? Because you didn't want to leave her?"

I nod once again with my eyes focused on my bent legs, and finally manage to speak. "I-I...I didn't want to leave her....but at the end of the day, we will never happen."

I see how Mayim's smile disappears as well. She comes closer to me and places her hand gently on my shoulder. "Hey, Jim," she starts, as I notice her eyes are shining with small tears. "Never lose hope."

"But—"

"I know she's married, and it's wrong, but....you never know."

I smile weakly at her, but nod once. "Thank you, Mayim."

"Oh, don't thank me......though.....I kinda still want to know what you were dreaming," she states with a small chuckle escaping her lips.

I chuckle once, too, and start blushing nervously, hesitating to speak the words.

"Come on! You have to tell me all of this before we get to Karen—Ohhh....by the way, what are you doing with Karen? She doesn't know you went looking for Amelie with me...and, well, after what you're saying about loving Amelie I could infer you don't love her that much anymore, also counting all the complications that happened between you guys before. Will you break up with her?"

I stay in a neutral, paralyzed position, as she finishes, but then shake my head with my eyes focused forward. "No, I won't break up with her. I must forget about Amelie in a loving way and continue with my life. I won't mess up my relationship for one that has no chances of happening."