Palas 3

16 - "I won't change my number this time!"

"Wait a minute," he says and I watch all blood drain from his face. "You did what?"

"I was upset," I try to explain my behavior that I really don't have any excuse for. "We kissed and got carried away."

"Carried away?" 

His mouth hangs open and for the first time I think he feels worse than me. He's probably experiencing every symptom of a panic attack while I feel rather calm. I know I fucked up and it is time for me to face the consequences. I realize that if I had told him that night, it could have saved us both from our futures choices. 

"Yes, we were on the beach. He was trying to calm me since I wasn't feeling too well about you leaving."

"Calm you?" He seems to keep repeating my words as if then they make sense to him. They clearly don't. "So he tries to fuck you?"

"It wasn't like that. It is not his fault."

"It seems to me that it was his fault. He tried to take advantage of you when you were at your most vulnerable. The fucking dick, playing my friend for the past three years while he was screwing my girlfriend."

He stands up with a rage in him that I have never seen before. If I didn't know him better, I'd think he is on his way to kill Liam right now. He almost flies down the stairs and I do the same, and knowing every step better than him is in my advantage and I stop him in time. 

"You calm down now and sit," I say and for some reason he simply looks to my hand grabbing his arm, shakes it to get rid of my touch, but then sits down on the tip of my couch where we started yesterday. 

"What?" He barks. 

"This is not Liam's fault. I kissed him, I let him continue and I asked him to never tell anyone. You know Liam, there is no one as loyal as him. He has been my only friend while you were away. Don't take this out on him, take it out on me."

"I don't get it," he says, his chest rising and falling in a worrying speed. 

"I couldn't tell you that night."

"Why not? You should have told me then and it would have saved me from a lot of misery."

"I get that now, but right then it seemed better to just let you go. How could I know that you changed your mind and suddenly wanted to be with me again? I shut off that night Harry and it took me a year to feel anything close to happiness again. You were out partying in London."

"I really feel for you," he says in a mocking tone. "Not."

"I don't give a shit, Harry. All I am asking is to be easy on Liam."

"Easy?" He gets up, the fury clear in his eyes again. "God knows what he did to you since that night. I can't go easy on him. He kissed YOU, you Lex." 

He shakes his head in disbelieve as if he still can't picture it. I can't either. There has never been a moment where I even considered kissing him since that night. Not one, which says something because we spend almost every minute of the day together. 

"I kissed him," I say although the truth is that Liam started it. It just doesn't seem to matter at this point. "I was wrong."

"If you hadn't, would you have come with me?"

"Why did you change your mind anyway?" I ask, feeling some anger rise myself and not wanting to answer his question. "You broke up with me. Made it clear you wanted to do this on your own. You didn't give me one reason to think you'd change your mind. You never even proposed to try long distance. Instead you had to add that you thought about breaking up with me before. It wasn't fair of you at all."