Palas 3

Part Six - "He's coming?"

Thomas and I made loads of plans for our return back to England. I'd come to Manchester with him, and his sister who was of course happy with our decision to move back, was already looking in for work. Her firm is always looking for receptionists with the possibility to grow and learn. Although working with lawyers wasn't really what I was looking for, I would of course accept if I wouldn't find anything else. 

Having loads of friends, Thomas already had three friends lined up where we could crash for the time being and we even made plans for our next travels. Bali was high on his list and Sydney on mine. Dreaming with Thomas about seeing the world excited me on another level. Before I met him, I never even thought about traveling and living in other places than Palas or England. The fact that nothing is permanent makes it easier to think about leaving Palas behind. Because there is always the possibility of returning. Something even Thomas is open for if only for the summer season. 

For the first time I was able to see a future different than the one I dreamt of as a child and still love it. But that doesn't mean that our life got any easier. There were still problems that usually had to do with him being away from his family longer than he intended and that he stayed only for me. That pressure never made it easy for me because it always gave me some form of guilt. Especially when he brought up the 'when'. 

"When are we going to leave?"

"When will you visit my sister?"

"When will we book our tickets?"

"When will you resign?"

"When will you tell Liam?"

All of those 'when's' never happened for many reasons, some I probably don't even know. Because after my panic attack, Thomas left without any other explanation than that he believed that I'm still in love with Harry. Someone who I haven't seen or spoken to for over two years. The ironic thing is that I had just told him that he'd finish his second season. The end of season was insight and that meant going back to England. Something I would have tried to do for him, but being in Palas for over a year was too much for him and he left after seeing me at my worst for only one time. Which is embarrassing to say the least.

I never told anyone why we broke up. Only said to Liam that he wanted to go back to his family and although he never quite believed it, he stopped asking after I friendly asked him. 

Because no one knew how truly hurtful his departure was for me, it also meant covering up my pain that I surely felt. Without Thomas I felt lost, without direction and no purpose. Once again I was without a man and it made me miserable, but I didn't want to show so I simply tried to feel nothing at all. It turns out that Ava accepts my drinking as long as I go home alone and of course pay for my drinks. But something happened that I'm sure she won't like at all. 

One night, only a few nights after thomas left, I found myself sitting outside of Little Italy. Not the front but the back where Ava had offered me to sit because I was feeling a bit ill. What I hadn't expected was the surprising company of her brother who had just finished his shift and was feeling too lazy to help clean up inside. 

"Shouldn't you help her?" I asked as he came to sit next to me, both of our heads leaning against the concrete wall of Little Italy and our feet propped up against the next bar. It's a small space but because it is so dark it always makes me feel comfortable.

"Why? It's not like she pays me to clean," Zayn answered, lighting up a cigarette of his own.

"For what then?"

"Serving drinks."

I raised my eyebrows at that because I was pretty sure she did pay him for more than simply bartending, but I kept my mouth shut not feeling alright to talk about anything at all.