Unsaid Things (Cimorelli Story) #Wattys 2016

Do I Wanna Know

Lisa's POV

I stared into a blank wall, waiting for something to be consumed by, or eaten alive or just simply die. She stood outside the locked doors and repeatedly kept knocking and begging me to just open the damn door. Her knuckles were probably already bruised from so much force of repeated hits on the wooden thing.

"Why don't you open the dang door already?" she huffed frustratingly.

The memories in my head kept repeating in cycles, you would think that the cycle would eventually end, unfortunately the memories kept repeating and started making me extremely anxious, I whispered to myself, "Should I destroy the already unstable relationship?"

"Why don't you open up to me?" Lauren sighed loudly and waited in anticipation.

I tried to put myself together and tried to sound confident and arrogant enough, but my voice cracked right in the middle, "Because you don't d-destroy the people you love."

There was silence for a moment on the other side of the door. Did I already ruin everything? Did I already made her distant? My heart was slowly sinking already...

"But you didn't destroy me," her voice sounded weak and tired, above a whisper.

When I heard those words, my stomach just turned in horror and I smirked to myself in devastation, "Not yet."

"Tomorrow we have an appointment at the therapist, eventually you'll have to tell me what happened," Lauren said gently.

"I don't want to let you down, but honestly I think that's never going to happen, sorry," I tried my best to sound as arrogant and egoistic as possible.

"Sometimes I'm convinced that you have two personalities. The one who you really are and the one you put on for other people," she said quite convinced in herself.

"I do not," I replied loud enough for her to hear me, although her opinion on this matter really interested me. I started noticing that she started reading psychology books lately, Lauren really is an insightful and curious person when it comes to this things.

"We all have two sides you know," she told me knowingly, I nodded to myself and continued listening to her words, "the one we let people see and the one we don't."

"I'm aware of that," I replied shorty, my voice full of fake boredom.

"The first one, the side when you're around people and pretend like nothing is wrong. Acting like you have everything together by smiling and other fake things, when in reality, deep down you are hurting."

"You don't know a single thing!" I spatted out angrily.

"And the second one? The side when you feel all alone. You think it can't get better, you don't understand why you're going through this alone and wishing you had someone to trust them with this problem of yours," Lauren's voice got smaller with each spoken word.

Although she was telling the whole truth, something inside of me started making me anxious, maybe she was telling the truth or maybe I was just getting nervous for no reason...but something was for sure, all of this was starting to get to me.

"As I said before, people have two sides, a good side and a bad side, a past, a future. Therefor we should embrace both in someone we love," those words sounded so simple and raw, but I guess that praying everything would be just like that, well...that happens to be just wishful thinking, nothing more, nothing less.

"It's still okay if you disagree with me," she confidently said. I kept quiet and sat in silence, still gazing at the white wall and held in my emotions.