My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

Chapter One - Dance Miserable

I will never forget the smirk he had on his face when He left. The pain He had on His face. I'm so angry at him, but mostly myself because it was my fault. My idiocy that ended it. It has and always will be my fault. From the very start. I haven't seen Him for almost a year now.

Ever since then, my whole life is crumbling down. I'm doing things that I myself never would have thought to do. Considering I am considered to be "innocent". I am in a way, but not my behavior lately. I have been taking random whores to hotels or wherever I can screw them. First it started by just doing it once. Then, it went on to once a week to twice a week. Now, multiple times everyday. Yes they are girls if you were wondering. I'm generally not gay, just for Him and only Him. Not only am I doing that, I'm stealing things that are worthless. Being rude to everyone and not feel guilty about it. Not like my "old" me where it would ruin my whole day in fact my whole week. Now I don't fucking care. I also don't care if I cuss anymore either. I have become somewhat an alcoholic, but oh fucking well. I guess you can say a man that was an inspiration is now a bad influence, which I also don't care. I am actually screwing a chick as we speak. My third whore today! That's a new record, not really.

"You are my favorite customer!" She moans, "No one can fuck me as good as you do!"

"Yeah, you say that to everyone of your so called customers just so they can screw you again!"

"No, honey!"

"Fuck!"

"What?" She looks back at me, "Come inside me baby." And I do just that, "Damn, are you sure your sack didn't explode internally? I mean, fuck that's a big load!"

I take myself out of her and gets dressed, "Yes I am sure it didn't. I am pretty sure you also say that to everyone of your customers."

"No. None of them can do what you do. I would have never expected something like that from you. Especially your cock. I mean come on."

I roll my eyes, "I have to go." I just leave her there with my remains dripping out of her confused. Now onto the next one.

As I leave the whore house of a hotel, I feel regret. A feeling I haven't felt for a long time. Tears start to form in my eyes and start to fall down my face down onto the pavement. Why am I feeling this? I haven't for about ten months now.

After I walk awhile longer, I just collapse onto the hard ground, sitting my back to the wall of the building. I bring my knees up to my chest and buries my face into my hands into my knees. At this point my crying turned into sobs. I want to die. I really do. Also, hate myself with a passion. There is nothing for me to live for anymore. He was my one and only. Now I don't have Him. We aren't even divorced, just split up, forever. Yes, I still love Him, but where the fuck is that going to take me? Exactly, no where.

My sobs somewhat get stopped by a woman shaking my shoulder gently asking, "Sir? Are you okay?"

"Sir?" A man says.

"No, I'm not fucking alright. Why the fu-" I cut myself off from being rude, "No I'm not." I look up at them with swollen red eyes.

"What's the matter sweetie?" The woman asks.

"It's nothing."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," I sigh, "It's nothing. It's just, never mind." I bury my head in my knees once more.

"Sir? Would you like to come home with us?" The man asks. I shake my head.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I don't want to drag you guys into my problems."

"Okay. We aren't forcing you. Have a nice night. No, make it a good night. Bye sir." The man says. With that they leave.

Huh, make it a good night or day. I should go by that.

I stand up and starts walking again to wherever. Probably to a bar. I don't fucking know.

Once again, I'm just a lost soul looking for a sign. A sign for what, I have no idea, but I need a sign.