her {#wattys2016}

floor

this song goes perfectly with this chapter And daya is my queen so please listen to it :)
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"here you go, this will be where you sleep." you looked down the entire time as if you were refusing to look at me.

as if it would physically hurt your vision if you did.

"isnt this your bed? where are you going to sleep?" i said, noticing the clothes and shoes all over.

"i will sleep on the floor." you said softly.

"why? just take the bed, it's yours."

"no! i mean no, you have to take the bed. it's the least i could do." your voice sounded so desperate.

"okay fine. why are you being so nice to me? i thought you hated me and that i was annoying." i asked staring at you.

"no it's just that... um-m im sorry." you said with your eyes still concentrated towards your feet.

"if you were really sorry, you would actually look at me." i said moving your chin up so your eyes were looking into mine. "there, better."

your eyes started to water.

"leave." you tried to say sternly but your voice cracked and it came out soft.

"why? you don't want me to see you cry?" i rolled my eyes at you.

"no um bec-cause you ehm are making me feel worse about myself." you stuttered because your mouth was shaking. "im so fucking sorry. im a horrible person."

"then why did you do it in the first place?" i felt unusually brave at the moment because usually i wouldn't be able to talk to you this long without freaking out.

"um-m i-" you stopped.

"i deserve an answer." i stated looking into your grayish green eyes.

"oh god you are so beautiful." you said with your voice breaking, "how could i be so mean to you?" you seemed to be talking more to yourself.

"no im not sto-" you cut me off.

"oh yeah because of her." you said sadly looking back at your feet.

i got chills just from the mention of her. now that i am out of the hospital i would have to go to school again and face her. and to make everything worse, i would have to go with you so she would just get mad at me and hurt me.

i was snapped out of my train of thought and looked back up to find you staring at me.

"what?" i asked feeling very self conscious.

"would you give me a second chance?" your eyes were puffy and red but you still managed to look adorable.

my head was screaming no but my ears have waited so long to hear these words. my heart was pounding and i felt like i couldn't breathe.

"she is gone so now i can fix my mistakes." you stepped in closer with your gorgeous pleading eyes, "please." you whispered in my ear.

my heart was aching and i was so confused.

you are so confusing.

i pushed you back and your face had a pained expression.

"i uh i-" i couldn't speak. the fact that you were so close was already hard to believe, but the fact that you wanted me back was making my head spin.

every meal i skipped was for you.

every tear i cried was for you.

every punch i took was for you.

every insult i heard was for you.

every time i wanted to die, i didn't because i couldn't handle not seeing you everyday.

even though all you did was destroy me, everything i went through was for you.

because i wanted you to love me.

and now that you have, im not sure it's what i want anymore.

i want to be happy, not depressed.

i want someone who will love me for who i am and won't hurt me.

i want someone who will make me feel better about myself.

and i want someone who will make me feel beautiful.

and you aren't that someone.

"just think about it." you gave your award winning smile, "now i am going to leave before i do anything stupid." you laughed.

"too late." i said and walked out of the room.

i have to do this. for me. even though my whole body was screaming to turn around.

your beautiful smile turned into a frown and i feel horrible. but that's exactly what you did to me.

im sorry
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I made an extra long chapter so please please please pm this to TheHippieTeens so i can win the emotional rollercoaster award.

Category #1: (emotional rollercoaster) her, tomagotchi2

^^ I will be so happy if you do, thank you.