Butterfly Effect On My Heart (Lucaya) ON HOLD

5. Late Night

Maya's POV

The nightmares are happening again. Every time I start becoming happy or start believing I deserve something better then what I have, the nightmares start again. The past 3 and a half months has been so great too, I thought about everything less and less, but this, this still happens. Having a past that no one knows about is a good thing and a bad thing at the same time, it's good that no one knows because then I don't have to get the pity stares from everyone and the bad thing about it is I want to tell Lucas, I hate that I want to tell him, I hate that I've told him anything at all. If I had listened to my head instead of my stupid heart things would be completely different, I don't want to lose Lucas. He's been the one constant good thing that's happened for me since I moved here.

I got tired of tossing and turning so I got up out of bed and went outside in the backyard sat at the pool and put my legs in the water looking up at the beautiful sky. My concentration of the sky was broke when I noticed my phone going off from a text from Lucas.

Huckleberry: hey are you still awake?
Maya: Unfortunately.
Huckleberry: if I woke you up, I'm sorry.
Maya: no, you didn't. I'm actually just outside in the backyard just staring at the sky.
Huckleberry: do you want any company?
Maya: shouldn't you be sleeping ranger rick?
Huckleberry: I should be, but I'm not. Maybe I just wanted to spend time with you since Riley left a little bit ago.
Maya: not easy trying to maintain a new friendship and a relationship is it?
Huckleberry: I'll be there in a few minutes.

Great. Now the peace and quiet is going to be gone and I'm going to have to listen to hee-haw talk. I suppose it could be worse though. I could hear him walking up behind me.

"Hey Ranger Rick." I was still looking up at the sky as he sat down next me.

"Why are you up?" He seemed genuinely worried why I'm up at 3am.

"I don't know, nightmares I guess." I felt a shiver go down my spine when I said that.

"About what?" He was taking his socks and shoes off and putting his feet in the pool too.

"Just stuff from the past. It's like every time I try to be happy or I'm starting to be happy, the nightmares start again, it's a never ending cycle that I wish would just die." I could feel my hands becoming entirely a little too shaky.

"It's okay Maya, you don't have to explain anything, just know when you're ready to tell me, I'm here." He smiled at me and rubbed his hand on my back in support.

"Why do you have such hope for me when I can't even have hope for myself?" I looked away from him and back at the stars.

"Okay, let's use this as an example, Riley, she's a big ray of sunshine, right? She has hope in Pluto becoming a planet again-" he was in the middle of talking, but I had to interrupt this one.

"Why? That's just ridiculous." I said with a small chuckle.

"Point being Maya, if she can have hope in something that is 8 billion miles away, then why can't you or I have hope for you?" I hate it when people are making sense.

"Because I have tragedies that follow me every where I go and in the long run I learned that when you hope for things, you get disappointed." I could tell he's not liking my responses, but he knows at the same time, it's who I am. I try pushing people away when I know they're too good for me to have in my life.

"Maya, the one thing Mr Matthews taught me when I first moved here back in 7th grade was that people change people, and it's true. I haven't always been Lucas the good you know. There's the Lucas I am now and Texas Lucas. As much as I want to deny it, that part of me, the part I don't like, Texas Lucas, will always be who I am, but the one thing I could do was to change how I responded and acted towards things." I didn't see it until now, but Lucas has his demons just as much as I do, obviously completely different reasons, but he gets it. I feel more at peace knowing he gets having a dark memory that you want to repress.

"Yeah, Mr Matthews is great, you were lucky to find him and Riley when you needed the help." He just looked at me with an emotionless face, like he didn't know how to respond.

"I wouldn't give them all the credit, they were like stepping stones to bettering myself because the way I look at it is I wanted to change and I had to make myself change because no one else was going to do it for me." We were just sitting there staring at each other, time was just suspended, everything seemed to slow down.

"You know, I often wonder how things would be if they had happened differently. I just wonder what it would be like to not be so closed off and to just live in the moment like all of you guys do." He had a confused look on his face.

"What do you mean?" I don't even know how to explain this the correct way.

"Living the way I have, you learn to look at things from a different perspective, for example, you and Riley think your destined to be together just because she fell in your lap on the subway. That's a moment and a concept of something, it has nothing to do with feelings at that point because moments blindside people for feelings and don't even get me going on Farkle and Smackle." He was looking at me, but not saying anything. I don't think he really needs to. Our eyes were completely locked with one another and before I could realize what was happening, when I snap back in to reality I see our faces inches apart and his hands on both sides of my face and I quickly pulled away.

"Why did you do that?" Was he about to kiss me? More importantly, was I about to kiss him?

"I-I'm not sure, I'm sorry, Maya." We both scrambled from the ground and stood up.

"Uh, I think I should head inside and try to get sleep for school, see you tomorrow?" I need to get out of here and into my house.

"Oh, uh, yeah okay." He weakly smiled at me. I gave him a friendly hug and went inside and went up to my room and laid on my bed.

What. Just. Happened.