Heartbeat

Opening Up; Club

Song of the chapter-


Burn by Ellie Goulding



Alex-


"We don't have to go if you don't want to Alex." Harry speaks from behind me, sat on my bed as I search the clothes in my closet.

The weekend had came fast and I don't know how I found myself agreeing with Eleanor to go out tonight, because honestly I didn't feel like going out with all kinds of people. But as usual I couldn't say no and had said yes. I let the soft grasp of a silky dress I had been feeling between my fingers fall from my grasp, letting a soft, exhausted sigh escape from my parted lips as I do so before turning around.

I'm tired, so tired, and I just want to crawl into bed with him and fall asleep. Because it seems as if I can only sleep when he's in bed with me at night. Dreams have started to happen, waking me up in the middle of the night with a thin coat of sweat on my forehead, my chest heaving and sometimes my eyes watering. Sometimes it's my Mom and Sister in my mind, other times it is something I can't even remember.

But Harry doesn't know about these dreams, because when I'm with him they don't happen. When I climb into my bed with him and sit beside him he wraps his arm around my sulked shoulders, pulling me into his comforting and inviting side. I've been coped up in my apartment because I'm just a little apprehensive to get back in a car, so maybe tonight I should go out to try and shake the anxiety away.

"Are you okay babe?" Harry whispers against my hair.

I could tell that it wasn't just a mere curious wonder that had slipped into his mind in that moment. It had worry laced through each word he spoke, symboling that it had been running through his mind for quite a while. Sometimes I feel as if he's seeing through me, the way his emerald eyes scan my face at times seeming as if he's trying to figure something out in his mind, trying to puzzle the pieces together. But then I would put a smile on my face and he would instantly smile back at my happy gesture, and it would go away.

Right now as he asked those words I wanted to bawl into his shoulder and shout no over and over again, to scream that I feel as if I'm being consumed by my absolute worst memories. When it took me a minute to answer, he forces me to look at him, searching my face in the way I had just explained.

"I feel it Alex." He murmurs.

"I don't know how to explain it, but I feel that something is wrong with you that you aren't letting me know."

I try and swallow the lump in my throat as I keep my eyes locked on his, kissing his lips to try and make him stop talking about it. But he forces his lips to stop moving against mine, hands being placed on either side of my face to make me face him.

"Alex, baby, please tell me." He whispers.

I nod my head in the hold of his hands, closing my eyes to try and keep back the tears. I've been telling myself, don't let him know Alex, it will only make him worry about you more than he already does, and, maybe he will think you're crazy Alex, so don't tell him. But in that moment I didn't care about those thoughts, because he has me in his arms and he is giving me the opportunity to open up to him, pleading and begging for me to tell him my worries and fears, to tell him what is wrong.

When his hand winds into my hair at the back of my head to hold me to his chest, I hadn't noticed I was crying until then. Upon realizing that I felt silly once again, because how many times does he have to see me cry? How many times does he have to see me cry to notice how weak I am?

"Tell me, it's been killing me. It's been worrying me so much." He speaks to me in honesty, his hands which hold me to him firm, as if he's trying with all his strength to keep me with him, as if he feels I will run away.

I nod against his now wet chest again, my hand fisting at the damp material of his shirt.

"I'm scared." I find myself saying, my voice even more hoarse and shaky than normal because of my crying.

When I spoke those words his hands held me tighter to him if that is even doable, so I buried myself in his chest and gasp softly through my steady stream of slightly silent tears as he pulls me onto his lap.

"Why are you scared? Tell me and I will try and help you." His voice seemed strained, I can tell that his jaw is tightened by the way he spoke.

"Go away." My quiet voice was muffled into his chest as I tried to force myself to say I want it to go away.

"You want me to go away?" He asks me, pain heard clearly in his voice. But his chest had pounded hard against my side that's pressed to him as I spoke again, a reaction that has always amazed me, one of the things that makes me speak, just to witness his reactions.

I shake my head furiously, holding the material of his shirt tighter in my hand to keep him in place.

"Then what? You want the fear to go away?" He tries to clarify in a very soft tone, a tone that made my tired body want to fall into a deep sleep.

I nod my head weakly against him, wanting him to talk, to say anything, just to hear him ramble on and on in that voice so maybe I could fall asleep.

"Can you explain it a little more?" Harry speaks gently, wander and curiosity held in his words.

I felt safe, the safest I felt as I was curled up in his arms. It gave me the odd courage to use my words, it tickled a little to speak and I felt the need to clear my throat or cough after saying something. I knew it couldn't be an attractive thing to witness since I am crying also, but I didn't care.

"Dreams."

My voice was so quiet that I wondered if he had heard me, but I knew he did as his chest vibrate against my cheek as he spoke.

"You've been having dreams?"

I nod my head.

"About the crash?"

Another nod.

"Both?" He asks in a murmur.

I didn't need to respond for him to know it was true. He held me, and he didn't need me to say anything else, because he understood me without words having to be said.


***


Harry-


I didn't want to go out tonight, and I definitely didn't want to go out after what'd just happened. I thought she had fallen asleep against me after a while of sitting in a peaceful silence, but then she had lifted herself up, wiping her damp cheeks with the sleeves of her sweater to dry the after math of her tears away.

"You know I'll do anything to help you." I state not even as a question, because I knew, or at least prayed, that she already knew it was true.

She nods her head knowingly right after I'd said it, my hand reaching up to brush her brown hair away from her face. Even with her pink lips in a small frown, her cheeks pink from crying, and her hair fuzzy from lying on me she looks beautiful. A sad kind of beautiful. A captivating kind of beautiful.

"If you've been having bad dreams I can stay here with you all you want."

A faint smile occurs on her lips at my spoken words.

"And if you ever think about wanting to....see someone, I can help with that too."

The small smile that was there vanished. I know she's seen people to help her before, but that was for her speaking, not for this. Maybe that's what she needs, but she has to decide that for herself.

My hand meets her cheeks softly, "Im saying it for only if you want too, only if you feel like you need to. It's just an option."

Her warm cheek moves against my hand as she leans into my touch.

"We don't need to go tonight." I inform her once again. She moves closer to me, hand still on her cheek.

She leans her own hand up to lean it against mine, shaking her head as in telling me we should still go. I don't know why she would want to go after what just took place, but I'll do wherever she pleases. Maybe she just wants to get out.

Her hand takes mine off her cheek to hold it in her own, the familiar warmth of them making my chest warm as she lifts it to her lips, pressing warm kisses to the skin of my hand.

"Then we will go." I say.



****


I kept Alex at my side as we walked through the entrance of the club, my arm hooked around her waist, the material of her silky dress cascading against my arms. It fits her perfectly, the dark blue, flowy material tight but not too tight against her curves, the color making her baby blue eyes stand out beside her lightly curled brown hair.

Eleanor had helped her get ready, and I knew that because I noticed she had a bit if mascara on her naturally long eyelashes, but also because she had came into her room, without knocking let me say, and demanded that she gets to dress her and do her hair.

But what is it with people not knocking on doors for heavens sake?

"I already feel the fun sinking in!" Eleanor speaks from the other side of Alex, making me chuckle at her.

Candice and Brianna had been unable to come because one had to work a night shift, and the other had to do something else which I can't remember since Eleanor was speaking so fast from the backseat of my car while I drove. Alex had sat in the passengers side, her hand holding mine the whole way. She informed me that it's easier for her when I drive, so I did just that. She seemed to do okay.

Eleanor and Louis had driven with us, Liam, Niall and Zayn in Eleanor's car which she had lectured them on being careful with before giving them the keys, although her bumper is already damaged from the crash. Zayn is sulking since Candice could not come but I know that will change once he gets some drinks in his system, and Niall seems bummed that Brianna couldn't come but he is still too excited about his alcohol to care too much.

Liam said he is set on finding a 'good looking' girl, I quote, for him to have a good time with. I've always wondered how he doesn't have his hands on a lady by now.

"So what do you want your first sip of alcohol to be?" I smile over to Alex who sits at the booth beside me. All the boys had crammed in with us, Eleanor sat upon Louis lap at the end and talking to the bartender.

Alex shrugs her shoulders un- knowingly.

"Bring a round of shots." Eleanor speaks to the bartender over the music.

I knew Alex should not try a shot for her first drink, so as the bartender is about to walk away I ask him to bring a vodka berry mix along with the shots. That isn't too bad for a first drink.

I keep an eye on Alex as the boys fool around, Liam had gone girl hunting and Louis and Eleanor had gone to the dance floor as they waited for their shots to come which we are still waiting on, along with Alex's drink. Zayn and Niall remain with Alex and I at the booth to wait for the drinks.

Alex smiles a little as she watches the two boys converse and goof around across from us, Niall seeming as if he's already drunk even though he hasn't consumed a drop of alcohol.

"Alex, have you ever drank?" Zayn questions from across the table, raising his voice enough for her to hear over the music.

She shakes her head as an answer, making Niall yell in surprise to her answer.

"You serious?! We've gotta get this show on the road then, oh there they come!" He exclaims.

The shots are placed before us along with Alex's drink and she takes it from my hands as I hand it to her. Everyone joins us at the table and I watch as Alex takes a drink, her nose scrunching up a bit, but she continues to drink it.

About a half hour later she had finished it, and I had taken two shots, not even knowing how many the others had taken because they had ordered more.

"C'mon Alex just try it!" I hear Liam and a few others at the table chant.

I see her take a shot glass from an out held hand, her cheeks already pink and flushed from her only drink she'd had tonight.

"You don't have to do it babe." I speak for only her to hear.

She looks to me and gives me a smile that tells me she's okay and comfortable, her hand being rested on my leg underneath the table before she takes down the shot, everyone cheering at the table.



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