They Call Me Lunatic

Chapter Twenty: That's a Shitty Way of Saying 'I Love You'

I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I couldn't even look in the mirror. I couldn't stand looking at myself after saying what I had. I looked into the eyes of my own father and told him that I would kill him.

What kind of monster am I?

I sat in my room for what felt like weeks, but in reality it was only like two days. Eli heard about what had happened and came home this morning to make sure I was okay. He wasn't supposed to be home for nearly two weeks, but came back in only two days. I couldn't help but feel like crap. I didn't deserve a brother like Eli.

"Please eat something," Eli pleaded motioning toward the untouched plate of food that he brought to me nearly two hours ago. I shook my head ignoring the groans from my stomach.

"I'm not hungry," I mumbled looking down at my hands in my lap. I'd chewed my poor nails down to nothing but stubs. I couldn't actually recall ever starting the habit. It was quite new to me to be honest. Eli huffed causing me to look up at him. He ran his hands down his tired face. He had driven all night just to get here and came to see me immediately. He didn't get any sleep. "Why don't you take a nap?" He looked up at me as if I were telling him he had two heads.

"I'll sleep when you've eaten." I sighed and clenched my jaw. It angered me that Eli cared so much. It really shouldn't, but it made it very hard for me not to share a bond with him. I knew when Kieran, Marilyn, Bolton, and I left, leaving Eli would be one of the hardest parts. He was my brother, and the more time that I spent with him, the closer I felt toward him.

"I'll eat if you go at least shower," I reasoned. Eli looked like a mess. He was obviously tired and struggled to keep his eyes open. The least he could do was take a shower to wake him up a little bit.

Eli pondered the idea for a moment. He bit the inside of his cheek and quirked his left eyebrow slightly.

"I promise, Eli," I swore quietly. After a moment, he nodded.

"Okay, I'll be back," he stated standing up. "Eat, please." With that, he was out the door. I glanced over to the food sitting beside me. I gulped feeling my body yearning for the food. I shook my head and got out of bed. Pushing away my aches, I grabbed the plate from the side table.

I shuffled my tired body into the connected bathroom. I stood over the toilet and just dropped the food into it. I immediately frowned wishing I hadn't done it. I knew Eli would figure out what I had done somehow, and he would be so upset with me. I frowned knowing Kieran would be angry at me for neglecting myself. He hated when I did that.

All that Eli and the rest of my family wanted was for me to be okay. I really couldn't be, though. I was torn between being with my shredder family and my real family. Both of them wanted me to be happy and safe, but I just couldn't be that when things were the way they were.

I felt a tear slip from my eye as I thought about the conversation Alex and Greyson had last night. It wasn't hard to hear them. They were shouting at each other. It seemed like a usual routine for them. Greyson was shouting something to the affect of 'what about her safety?' Alex fired back with 'what about her sanity?' which in turn caused another uproar. They continued fighting for nearly an hour after that.

"Don't like eggs?" a voice asked from the door way of the bathroom making me jump. I snapped my head to the right to meet a pair of dark brown eyes-Stiletta. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a pony tail which allowed me to see her clear, beautiful skin perfectly. "I don't really either, but," she paused moving her hand to her stomach, "he does." My eyes grew a bit larger taking in her slightly protruding stomach.