Save Me

10| Brandon

"I've noticed that in the time we've had these sessions that you've only talked highly about your father and your best friend, Travis. Never your mother or any other woman in your life. Why is that?"

"Don't know," I kept it short per usual.

"What's your mom like?"

I got angry just thinking about that woman, but I shrugged it off. "I couldn't tell you because I haven't seen her since I was 11. She walked out on my dad while she was pregnant and never looked back."

I was lying through my teeth. I had seen my mother several times from afar in the past 19 years. I just never cared to approach her.

"How'd that make you feel?"

"Alone," I admitted to Dr. Hubert. "Abandoned." I cleared my throat making sure that I wouldn't get rowdy today while talking about her.

"Do you think that plays a part in why you're detached from the rest of those around you...or why you don't trust people?"

I chuckled lightly and shook my head. "No, it doesn't. For the most part, I dealt with it well back then because my dad was still there. When he died that hit a nerve that I never knew bothered me. It was like a part of me was gone. Then, to top it off a few months later--" I stopped myself from even thinking about that whole situation.

Dr. Hubert sat there and nodded as she wrote in her pad. I noticed that she didn't press me when I would pause in the middle of a statement like she normally did. I actually saw a small smile appear on her face.

"What?" I questioned, curiously.

"I'm just noticing progress with how you're talking today. You're actually giving me something to work with. Barely any one word answers."

I shook my head. "Yeah, thank my house guests for that. They require three or more words a reply."

"Well, that's great. Talking is the best thing because you obivously have a lot to say and even more things on your mind. Now, back to this session. I have to ask, have ever been in love?"

I thought long and hard, but no woman came to mind.

"If you have to think that hard, then that means no," she said with a slightly surprsied face. "But, why do you think that is?"

"Casually sleeping around always was easier. I never cared to get in a relationship because--"

"You thought the girls would leave like your mother did," she answered with her own response.

"I wasn't going to say that."

"You weren't, but that's what it all comes down too. You can't trust a woman enough with your heart or even your time for that matter."

"Not necessarily. I just don't trust most people in general. I do, however, expect them to fuck up or to leave me in the mud."

Dr. Hubert pushed her glasses up on her nose and nodded. "So, you think everyone leaves?"

"I know they do. My mom, gone. My dad, gone. My sister, gone. One of my best friends, gone. My son, gone. My partner, gone."

I felt myself getting angry just thinking about these things, but I kept my composure.

"You son? That's a first...you've never mentioned him before. Tell me about him."

"He's not mine." I laughed, angrily. "His dumb ass mom gave him my name and knew he wasn't my kid. She knew."

"Are you still involved in his life?"

"No, I cant be. Too many strings attached for me."

"Strings? Can you elaborate..."