Save Me

31| Lauren

"Mama, can I ask you a question?" I turned around from mopping the kitchen floor and looked at my son.

"Is it about your homework?" I rebutted. Nasir had been slacking on school work and his teachers couldn't help but to make it about his parents going through a public divorce.

Nas smacked his teeth. "Ma—"

"Who you sucking your teeth at lil' boy? I will gladly hand you an ass whooping," I scolded him while going back to mopping.

"Mama, chill on me. I finished my homework, if you wanna check. I know the stuff it's just boring..." I shook my head at him and let out a small chuckle.

"Well, you need to make it interesting or something cause if I get another call from Ms. Gracy, I'm on your ass. Now, what is it you wanted to ask me?" I inquired as I rang out the mop to put it away.

"Why are you sad?"

I stopped in my tracks just as I put the mop back in it's bucket. "Sad? I'm fine baby boy," I assured him, but he shook his head if he wasn't buying the story at all.

"You only clean a lot when you're really sad. That's what you used to do when Dad made you sad." Just as I was about to answer him there was knock at the door. I sighed and walked over to the front door.

"Nas, I'm not sad baby boy. Just gotta make sure the kitchen stays clean."

Looking through the peephole, I rolled my eyes when seeing who it was at my door. If there was anybody that I didn't want to see or talk to right now, it was Brandon. Yet, here he is at my door.

"Laurie, answer the door...I know you hear me," he said before sighing deeply.

"Is that Bam? Let him in ma. I gotta talk to him about man stuff," Nasir said with base suddenly in his voice. I turned to face my 10 year old son and furrowed my brows.

He was looking back at me with Marley in his hands. "What man problems? You can talk to me..."

He shrugged and put Marley back down on the floor to run around as Brandon continued to knock on the door.

"It ain't the same."

I cleared my throat and looked at him with stern eyes. "It what? Ain't is not a word in my house."

Nas nodded. "Sorry. It isn't the same as talking to him. That's my homie, you're my mama. Big difference." I mentally rolled my eyes and gave in to opening the door.

"Hey," Brandon said, clearly relieved that I even answered him.

"What's up, Bam?" I took my hand from the door handle and left the room so that they could talk about whatever "man problems" my child was claiming to have.

Lying back on my bed, I closed my eyes and rest them. I had been cleaning my apartment for most of the day to clear my mind and it was working pretty good until he showed up.

"Can we talk?" Just as I was getting comfortable, Brandon took upon himself to open my room door and come inside. Marley wasn't too far behind him and jumped on the bed to snuggle beside me.

"I think we've done enough talking already or at least you have," I mumbled.

Brandon twisted his mouth to the side and smacked his teeth. "Please, hear me out." He closed my room door and leaned against the wall, I guess figuring out what to say.

"Talk already," I grew irritated. "I have other shit to do."

He cackled softly and shook his head. "Like what? Cleaning the whole damn apartment 4 times before you realize there's nothing dirty in here."

I rolled my eyes and sat up on the end of my bed. "Shut up, Brandon!"

"Man, pipe down. I just came here to apologize for how I did you yesterday night. I shouldn't have came at you like that, whether I was high or not. It was wrong for me to throw stuff that you told me in confidence in your face, especially when has to do with your baby girl. I don't know what got into me, but I am truly sorry. Forgive me?"

My eyes were glossy, but I just nodded trying to stop tears from rolling down my cheek. It was difficult, but I maintained strong. "Ok, is that it?" I asked him, ready for him to leave.

"You never answered me...you forgive me?"

I took a deep breath. "No, I don't because you're really out here risking your life like it's something to play with for a damn temporary high."

Brandon started walk out, but I hopped up and blocked the door before he could get out. "Nah, you not leaving. At least right now you aren't."

"Move out the way yo. I came here to apologize to you and that's that." We were so close to each other that I could smell his Colgate scented breath.

"No, not until you tell me why you tripped out last night. You're moving to Virginia and got a new job, why you still fucking with those pills? I swear you trying to kill yourself."

Bam's eyes softened and he rubbed his palms down his face. "Laurie. Stop, please," his voice was barely audible.

"No," I scolded him.

The tension between us was thick and he was clearly trying to avoid any confrontation with me. His face wasn't giving a hint of what he was thinking and that was new to me. I usually could read him.

"Yo, why you always have to be a pain in the ass?" he mumbled to me and a tear subtly rolled down his face. My heart broke.

"You need to get help, Brandon," I said softly, easing up on the aggressiveness in my tone. Without a second thought, I wrapped my arms around him. He needed it an embrace, it was long overdue.

His heart was racing out of a control when I placed my head on his firm chest. "Calm down," I whispered to him. All he did was sigh in reply.

As his heart finally started to beat regularly again, I backed away a bit to see his face. His eyes were closed as if he were trying to calm himself. "I need to leave," he said, taking my arms from around his waist. "My fault for bringing my bullshit on you."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, irritated. "This is not bullshit, Brandon. Trying to hurt yourself is a not small thing and I'm not about to act like it."

He flinched a bit, held his chest for a brief moment. Discomfort was all over his face. "What's wrong?" My on-duty nurse mindset quickly took over when he didn't respond, it was like he couldn't get the words out. I already knew what it was and just as I went near him to help, he fell flat to the ground.

He had a heart attack.

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Vote, comment, and whatever else you do if you like this chapter

Are we surprised that Bam is suicidal or even the fact that he eluded to trying to off himself?

Will this be a wake up call for Bam? 

I know the heart attack is extreme, but I've seen it first hand with one of my young family members. Them painkillers ain't NO joke, at all.