NICOTINE || Alex Ramos

Chapter 38

A hand per cheek as he looked into drowning eyes, once again he didn't say anything, he just looked. His lips melted against my forehead before struggling to separate them from the place they probably missed so dearly. His lips, followed by his hands, left my body. I remained standing there as he walked away, looking back at me an extra time before being sure. My sobs tore through my lungs and my throat as I attempted to silence them. This was it.

Songs for this chapter: We Don't Know by The Strumbellas and Walk With You by Jenny & Tyler

Alex's P.O.V
I'm waiting for her to come back knocking on my door, hoping to tell me that she isn't going to leave and I'm also waiting for that to not sound so selfish.

I keep trying to sit there and act as though this isn't effecting me, even though on the inside I am currently close to exploding.

I keep trying to tell myself to do what is right, but I'm only confusing myself due to the fact I don't know what the right thing is at this point.

I'm trying to convince myself that we are better off without each other like we both agreed on last night, but besides the dumb miscommunications I can't seem to find any other reason proving that I'm not better when I have her.

God damn it I need her, God damn it I cant see shit without her.

She should be here beside me, in distance and palpable.

My lips could be nonchalantly placing small kisses across her delicate skin, but instead they're aching just to be near her.

What did I do? How could I agree to such a lie, to such a horrendous goodbye.

We thought it was the right thing to do, but neither of us were thinking deeper into the situation.

I shouldn't have walked away from her, how could I do that?

I'm such an idiot, it tore at both of us.

I'm so selfish.

Watching her break so easily as if I didn't notice the feelings tangled into the mess and then having the ability to walk away from her like that.

I miss her. Fuck.

How can you miss someone you just seen so recently?

I believe it's because I feel like I've lost her, I don't feel emotionally and mentally connected to her anymore.

I walked away from her without a fight and I feel as though I've lost every single crumb of her and all the intricate beauty she holds.

I can't let her leave without her knowing the truth, I can't let her leave with me holding all of this guilt and not knowing how she feels.

Her flight is in about 2 hours, if I leave now maybe there's hope she hasn't left for the airport yet and if she already did leave....well then I guess cue the cliché, romance airport movie scene because I don't care if I have to make a fool out of myself for this.

-

I drove to Lauren's place and noticed the car was gone which meant they did already leave.

I continued driving through the side streets, heading towards the airport.

Yes I am speeding, no at this point I don't care.

-

I don't know if it was a miracle or just being in the right spot at the right time but I noticed Lauren's car about a half of a block ahead of me going in the same direction.

I sped up and caught up more before honking my horn.

She didn't seem to realize so I tried my best to get closer and held down the horn for a few whole seconds.

A couple more seconds passed but she must have finally noticed it was me since she pulled over and quickly parked against the curb.

I sloppily parked behind her car and got out.

I watched Sarah get out of the passenger seat and Lauren step out from the driver's seat as Will remained in the backseat looking out the window.

"Alex are you crazy? It's 4:45 in the morning. What are you doing?" Sarah looked at me like I was nuts but just having her so close to me actually made me feel as though I'm truly losing my mind but I could care less.

It felt like there was gasoline in my veins and she was that one spark which set everything on fire. I wanted to kiss her, right here, right now I just wanted to kiss her. Kissing her never compared to other girls. She was different, she was my spark and she was bright. She was ineffable and she cared for me in ways no other girl has. I didn't want to kiss her because her lips were so tempting or because the taste of them sent me into a state of pure euphoria. No, I wanted to kiss her because I didn't know how else I could show her I cared for her so much.

"Alex, are you okay? I'm gonna miss my flight." she snapped me out of my flooding thoughts.

"Sarah, I know a lot has happened between us. We've both made mistakes. I've messed up more than once and I can tell that you're over it but the thing is," I nervously swallowed.

"I love you, I just do, It's not something I can decide to do or decide not to do. I-it's like breathing, I always have and I always will and I just couldn't let you leave again without telling you." I was fumbling with my words but I knew she was listening.

Sarah's P.O.V
I couldn't believe what he was saying, what he was admitting to me. It was the most romantic thing I've ever been told, especially coming from Alex of all people.

And he was right, we had both hurt each other so many times but it was just...too late

I was choked up, in shock. I couldn't form sentences or even words for that matter.

"Sarah?" he took in a sharp breath.

"You know what? You don't even have to answer. I love you and I just have to say that." I watched as he turned his back to me and started to walk back towards his car.

"Alex wait," I swallowed. "I love you. I always have. I just had to say it."

I almost wasn't able to finish the sentence as I watched him quickly walk back towards me.

That very second, his lips molded with mine and in that short amount of time, every doubt, every hesitation completely vanished. I wanted to live here in this moment for as long as I possibly could, it felt so perfect, so special.

I was numb under his touch, the feeling I felt made me never want to move, never want to leave his arms, never want to leave his touch. He was my addiction and I craved him like a smoker craved the nicotine of a cigarette.

A/N: Yes, as depressing as it is for all of us, this was the last chapter of Nicotine, I'm sorry if you didn't like the end or was expecting something different EVENTHOUGH ALEXS BITCH ASS FINALLY SAID "I LOVE YOU" I KNOW RIGHT UGH IM EMO. Anyways, I don't think there will be a sequel unless you guys help me out with a plot/main idea but I would still have to consider it. Besides that, there will most likely be an epilogue so you can get a better understanding of what happens after all this. But I'd like to thank all of my beautiful, lovely readers of nicotine especially everyone who has made it this far and finished it, I love you all so much. It was an amazing journey close to almost a full year and I've met a lot of good as well as best friends throughout it and I couldn't be more thankful for all of you as well as the love and support you've given me over this long process. I love you all beyond words xoxo