If I have to (bwwm)

Chapter 30

Flashback

"So are you just gonna stay in here forever? Morgan its been two years you  gotta learn to heal."

It was like Masia was talking to a wall. I hardly ever spoke anymore. So why would she waste her breath?

"God I hate to leave you like this."
Her words caught my attention, but I still took a while to respond. "Where are you going?"  I asked.

"I have to go to Florida for a couple of days. Business trip."

"Pssh business trip my ass.  Why don't you just call it what it is?" I was upset that she even called it that.

"Don't start Morgan and watch ya mouth. Besides, you know that at this point I don't have a choice, and it is business. "

"A choice? Masia every day you wake up you make your choice. You enjoy living this life. It's all you know!"

In a calm tone much different from the one I use Masia put me in my place.

"Morgan this lifestyle the one that you are just so disgusted by is the one our family's blood has been shed for.
No, it ain't easy it ain't no godamn fairytale.   We owe it to our parents to keep this legacy alive. To prove that they're sacrifices were not in vain. "

"I don't owe nobody nothing," I said.

"Not even your mama a visit?
She is in the same home as you and you ain't seen her in weeks."

"My mama died the night my daddy did." I hissed.

I instantly regretted saying that aloud.  Masia was clearly pissed by what I just said. She began to drag me to the room while I kicked and screamed.  She had been working out more than usual. I on the other hand only worked out when she made me. Which was is still three times a week.

"Sia don't don't do this." I pleaded as we got closer.  It's been months since I called her sia.

"SHE'S DYING MORGAN! She fought for as long as she could for the past two years but she's dying. Cancer and paralyzed from the waist down. Our mama is dying."  Sia cried out. 

I pretend like I didn't hear her and continue to resist.

Masia picked me up and threw me into the room. I heard the door lock and her footsteps walk away.

Slowly I turned around to face her or should I say it. Because what laid in a bed with tubes and needles running was not my mama. This was a shell. My mother was vibrant and beautiful. This before me was a barely breathing corpse.

As I slid down onto the floor I finally let the pain wash over me. This life is inescapable. Just like my pain.

End of flashback

"Mory are you okay in there? James asked. 

"I'm fine I'll be out in a second."
I lie.

Looking at my reflection in the mirror only worsens my mood. I hardly slept last night and it shows.  I leave the bathroom with a sigh to go and join James for breakfast.

When I'm downstairs he greats me with a kiss. "Has anyone ever told you that your beautiful in the morning?"

I can't help but blush. It's weird how being around him makes me feel a little better.

As we ate breakfast he asks me if I was okay. The bomb he dropped last night is still lingering.

I tell him yeah as long as I'm absolutely not involved.

He gives me his word that I won't be.  As we have a casual conversation he asked me an unsettling question.

"Morgan um who is Masia? I notice that when you have  nightmares you usually say that name."

His question takes me back. I didn't know that I talked in my sleep let alone my nightmares.

"Masia is just an old friend. "  Just saying her name aloud feels foreign.

"Right speaking of New Orleans you never really talk about it. How come?"

"Its nothing to talk about," I muttered.

"So what about your family? Do you ever vis-

"I'm an only child and my parents are dead. There's no family to talk about no one to visit. No one to fucking miss." Annoyed by the conversation I got up and went on the balcony.

Everything is clean now but there's a single rose petal on the ground. 

The door behind me opens telling me that he has joined me.
"I didn't mean to upset you. I didn't know. "

"It's okay I should have told you a while ago,"  I said while playing with the rose petal.

James turns me towards him and apologizes. I kiss him as forgiveness and stay like that for a while. Him holding me close me holding back tears. A soft breeze blew and took my petal with it. I guess today this is the choice that I made.

A/N ooooooohhhhh new character alert. I've been so  inactive lately and I apologize. Life has been crazy. I've been dealing with work. Prepping for the Beyoncé concert which is Saturday.  Ugh and just a bunch of other stuff. Hell I even thought about deleting the entire book. Inspiration is just so hard to come by nowadays.  So hope y'all like this chapter. ✨🌻