If I have to (bwwm)

chapter 34

"Which shirt do like? The red that says you had me at tacos, or the pink that reads spring broke." Emerson asked. She's trying to get my opinion on some forever 21 shirts. The poor thing is failing miserably.

Ever since Emerson and I got to the mall I've been more focus on texting James. He and I are currently in the middle of a game of twenty one questions.

So far I've learned that his favorite color is black. His middle name is Edward. He used to box as a kid. Basically a bunch of little facts about him. My personal favorite is that he cried when he got his first tattoo. At first I thought it was because of pain. But it was because it was his sister's name.

Its nice to see that he has a soft side. Apparently him opening up to me is a big deal. Ali told me about how he is the hot head of the family. The irrational cold hearted and highly feared Gallo. I wish I could say that I don't see that in him but I do. James is cold around others. Very serious with his guard up,yet he lets his guard down for me.

We are past the generally questions. Now the questions are becoming more sexual. "So even though I might know the answer when was the last time you had sex?" he texted.

I'm starting to regret asking to play this game. Apart of me wants to lie but my finger beat me to the truth.
"Never." Those stupid bubbles pop up worsening my anxiety. Over the years my friends have given me so much shit about still being a virgin. I used to be proud of it now it makes me self conscious.

"Oh really? I never would have guessed." He replied.

Everything about his response pissed me off. It always annoys me when he thinks he has me figured out. I know he is being sarcastic. His face is probably plastered with his famous smirk. Sometimes he treats me like a good luck charm instead of a girlfriend.

Before I can text him back he responded again. "Lets finish the game tonight in person. I'll come over around six."

I want to text him and say nope stay your ass home. But instead I type a reluctant okay. I sigh loudly out of frustration. It's safe to say that I've become a sucker for this man.

"Boyfriend problems?" Emerson said behind a rack of clothes.

"Yeah you can say that. Um I'm sorry about earlier that was really rude of me. "

"No worries love. Are you and your man okay?"

"Yeah we're good he can just be a little triggering without knowing."

"Damn what he say like that."

Now usually I don't just spill my business to everybody. But there is something oddly comforting about Emerson.

"He just looks at me as if I'm perfect. Like I haven't made mistakes. "

"Maybe its just him seeing you for who you are now. You're not who you used to be. Everyone grows from there past in some way." she said

Emerson speaks as if she's know me for years. Its nice to hear a non bias opinion. My friends would have told me I'm over thinking this.

"So if you don't mind me asking why James Gallo?" Emerson asked.

"That's just it he wasn't James Gallo the feared drug heir. He was some asshole who came with a big mouth and a bigger ego." I said.

"And now?"

"Now he someone that I really like. We're sorta attached to each in a way ya know? He gives me all of these feelings that I can't explain. He annoys the hell out me but I still want him around. I can't say that I love him,but I do know that I'm falling." I gushed.

"Damn have you told him that? "

"Ha, nope and I'll probably never will."

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Emerson's p.o.v

Today was harder than I thought it would be. Talking to Morgan about her life really put things into perspective. She is such a bright and sweet girl.

"So babe how did it go?"Chloe asked anxiously.

"Well hello to you to Chloe."

"I'm sorry hi emmy how did it go?"

"It went." I said talking off my shoes and coat.

"It went? Well did you guys get a chance to -

"Chloe we didn't talk about damn. I'll try again another time."

"We don't have time and you know it.

" Goddamit it wasn't that easy. You just​ don't get it. This has to go smoothly. Where are you going?" I yelled.

"To tell her myself." Chloe said.

"Chloe don't! James is meeting her for six and that is not your place. Just give me a little more time please baby." My plead turned into tears as I tried to keep my composure.

"Okay Emmy I'll let you do this." Chloe said as she rocked me back and forth.

"Coco this is gonna be so hard to do" I sobbed.

It's ironic looking back on it all. My mama always said that we will pay for all things that we do. Even if we have to pay with the ones we love.