1. A boy is writing a paper on childbirth and asks his parents, "How was I born?"
His mother awkwardly answers, "The stork brought you."
"Oh," says the boy. "Well, how were you and Daddy born?"
"Oh, the stork brought us, too, and Grandpa and Grandma."
The boy begins his paper, "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
2. A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he's lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.
"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone." The man below replies, "You must work in management."
"I do" replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"
"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
3. "Hey, Mom," asked Ralph. "Will you lend me five dollars?"
"Certainly not."
"If you do," he went on, "I will tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."
The woman's ears perked and, grabbing her pocketbook, she handed over the money. "Well? What did he say?"
"He said, "Hey, Marion, make sure you do my socks tomorrow."
4. A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
5. Teacher: What are the four main food groups?
Students: Canned, frozen, instant, and lite.
6. Children were called upon in a classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher. The teacher smiled when Jack raised his hand to participate. She gave him the words 'defeat,' 'deduct,' 'defense,' and 'detail.' Jack stood seriously for a while with all eyes focused on him awaiting his reply:
"Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail!"
7. A Scotsman left on a long trip across the country, taking a train the entire length of the line. At each station along the way, he insisted that he had to get off of the train to buy a new ticket. He chose to not buy a ticket to his final destination, but just one to take him to the next stop on the line. After watching this go on for several hours, another passenger asked, "Why are you buying all of these individual tickets, man? Why not just save yourself time and money and just get one ticket for the rest of your trip? You'd save 25%."
The Scotsman scowled at the very idea and replied, "My doctor told me that I am not going to be alive for long. I don't plan to waste any of my money on train tickets I may not use while I am here!"
(A/N)
New chapter!! I hope you like it! ＼（＾○＾）／
