(A/N)
Going straight to the chapter!
1) Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!
2) 'You seem to be visibly distressed,' said the judge to the witness. 'Is anything the matter?'
"Well, your Honour," said the witness, "I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects."
3) A patient asks the dentist "Isn't it nasty to spend all day with your hands in someone else's mouth"
The dentist answered "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."
4) The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance, take the simple phrase "secure the building".
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.
5) A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I am drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "but no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
6) The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say: "There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer," or "That's Michael. He's a doctor." A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher. She's dead".
