1) A resident said someone had
entered his home at night and taken five pounds of bacon. Upon further investigation, police discovered
his wife had gotten up for a late-night snack.
2) When a three-year-old was told
to pee in a cup at the doctor's office, he unexpectedly got nervous. With
a shaking voice, he asked, "Do I have to drink it?"
3) (Real Life Experience, from one of my friends)
A salesman talked my friend's uncle into buying 10,000 personalized pens for his business with the promise that
he would be eligible to win a 32-foot yacht. A born gambler, my friend's uncle agreed.
Well, he won, and a few weeks after the pens arrived, his prize showed up: a 12-inch plastic yacht with
32 plastic feet glued to the bottom.
4) At an art gallery, a woman and her ten-year-old son were having
a tough time choosing between one of my paintings and another artist's work. They finally went with mine.
"I guess you decided you prefer an autumn scene to a floral," I said.
"No," said the boy. "Your painting's wider, so it'll cover three holes in
our wall."
5) At the mall, a five-year-old kid joined the other children in line waiting to sit on the Easter Bunny's lap. When it was his turn, he didn't move; he just stared.
"Don't you want to sit on the
bunny's lap?" I asked.
"No!" he shouted. "There's
a man in his mouth!"
6) A defendant isn't happy with
how things are going in court, so he gives the judge a hard time.
Judge: "Where do you work?"
Defendant: "Here and there."
Judge: "What do you do for
a living?"
Defendant: "This and that."
Judge: "Take him away."
Defendant: "Wait; when will I get out?"
Judge: "Sooner or later."
7) Customer: Yo! I ordered a Pizza
& it came with no Toppings on it or anything, Its Just Bread
Domino's: We're sorry to hear about this!
Customer (minutes later): Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down :/
8) When a soldier came to the
clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by a
young technician. Sometime later, when the examination
was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman who had switched places with the other technician, but the soldier doesn't know that. The soldier remarked, "How long was
I in there for?"
