1)Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Doctor: "Nine."
2)I was in a restaurant once and I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my reliefs to the beat of the music. After just a few songs I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me... That was when I remembered I was listening to my iPod.
3)Q: What do politicians and diapers have in common?
A: Both should be changed regularly, and both for the same reason
4)What would you call a very funny mountain?
"Hill Arious"
5) What do you get when you cross-breed a cow and a shark?
I don't know, but I wouldn't enjoy milking it.
6)Two men are playing golf. One of them is about to take a swing when a funeral procession appears on the road next to the course. He stops mid-swing, takes off his cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in contemplation.
His opponent comments: "That must be the most touching thing I've ever seen. You are a very feeling man." The man, recovering himself, replies, "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
7)Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. But she notices four legs instead of two peeking from under the blanket!
Seized by a fit of rage, she reaches for the baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket until the screaming stops.
Still in shock, she lurches to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
"Oh welcome home darling," he says, "my parents came for a visit, so I let them have our bedroom. I hope you said hello."
8) Where do clouds go when they itch?
They find the nearest skyscraper.
(A/N) I will be going out of station for a few days, I hope that you will wait for the next update! I also will not have any wifi there so I cannot write for a few days, will be back soon.
