numb

fifty

it was just an another nightmare, nothing serious.

*
"i love you.." freya sweet voice played in my head like a violin. "i love you.."

we were in a high grass field. the sunlight so bright that it covered have her face but i still tell she was smiling. without her mouth moving, she whispered those words again.

"i love you." freya gets up and runs around in the field

just when i was ready to go after her the sky went grey and freya's face went into shock. she started to panic and hyperventilate.

"don't worry." i say as i look behind us. the field was pitch black and empty.

"i'm scared."

turning around to tell freya to stay calm then being greeted by a dark building with only moonlight helping me see.

suddenly i had tears on my face and i look down.

with a gun in my hands and it pointed at my father's head.
with blood oozing out from the back of his skull. i just stand there and watch as his face went pale and lifeless. crying my guilty tears.
*

"cole. cole," i hear freya's voice again and my body relaxes. "cole!"

my eyes pop open as well as my mouth, sucking in a breathe.
my vision fixes on freya's face right above mine.

"are you okay? you're sweating like you just ran a 5k." she worries. "you were weeping in your sleep."

"i'm fine." i push her hand away from my face and sit up.

"i keep having these... dreams. most of the time their memories of my dad but this time-" i stop myself.

"this time what?" freya kisses my cheek.

"this time it was different, it felt, it felt," i pause then look into her eyes while mine waters, "real. not like a memory."

freya doesn't say anything just nods.

"i think i need help." i say with fear.

"i can get you that." freya smiles lightly. "what was the dream about?"

"you." i told half the truth. her eyebrows furrow then she looks down.

the next words play in my head like an violin, with ease. her voice soft and sweet. "i love you.."

i'm triggered.