When It All Ends (COMPLETED)

Chapter 9

#WIAE Chapter 9

Kanina pa ako hindi mapakali. I wanted to come... but at the same time, I didn't want to. I didn't want to see Avo being cruel to someone first hand. I was afraid that whatever I see, it would change something between us. Because despite the fact that I was a part of this world—this crazy, stupid, bloody world—I had never once embraced the fact. I didn't like the killings. I didn't enjoy the gore. If I could change one thing in my life, I couldn't... because I would want to change everything.

I wanted to have a normal life. I wanted to live a normal life. But my life was anything but normal.

"Hindi ka pupunta?" Cathy asked. She was already dressed up. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit kailangan pa niyang magbihis ng maganda. She would just watch somebody get enslaved by the Dieux. I didn't think it was a black tie occasion.

I couldn't give her an answer. Ayaw ni Avo na pumunta ako... At ayaw ko rin naman. But a part of me wanted to come.

"Ano ba ang meron 'dun?" I asked again. Maybe it wasn't that bad. Maybe I just assumed the worst. Palibasa kasi ay alam ko na tiga-pag-mana si Avo ng Mafia, iba na agad iyong naiisip ko sa kanya.

She shrugged and combed her already perfected hair. "Usual lang."

I looked at her with my forehead in crease. She sighed when she saw me.

"Oops. I forgot na newbie ka nga pala dito," she said and then she sat down beside me. "Anyway, yearly kasi, may ginagawang slave iyong mga Dieux mula sa mga Quatrième."

"Necessary ba 'yun?" I asked.

She nodded.

"Bakit? Bakit kailangan pa nila na gawing slaves iyong mga Quatrième? Hindi ba pare-pareho lang naman tayo na estudyante dito?" I said, exasperated. This hierarchy system was eating me inside out. Bakit ba kailangan pang gawin iyon? Ano ba ang mapapala nila? Did it give them joy to see someone suffering? Ganitong uri ba talaga ng mga tao ang nasa mundo na ginagalawan ko?

Cathy smiled and then combed my hair.

"Boe, my dear Boe," she cooed. "Your naivety is refreshing pero kailangan nating tanggalin 'yan, okay? In the world we live in, the innocent ones get to die first. The more trusting you are, the more you are putting your life at risk."

"But you? Hindi rin kita pwedeng pagkatiwalaan?"

Cathy smiled.

"You can... but I'd rather you won't. Mas mabuti kasi na wala kang pagkaka-tiwalaan ng sobra. Because when you put your trust in someone, you give them the power to hurt you."

And this reminded me that even though Cathy had been good to me, isa pa rin siyang tao na lumaki sa mundo na 'to. Maybe like me, she had seen death countless of times. And going through that would make you lose trust in humanity altogether. It was still a wonder kung paano ko nagagawang makipagkaibigan. Because I had seen more death that it made me wonder if life was still worth living. Na kahit ano'ng paghihirap at pagsusumikap ang gawin mo, one wrong move and you'd end up dead.

That you'd always have to measure your every move dahil kapag hindi nagustuhan ng mas mataas sa 'yo, it's so easy to pull the trigger.

"But if you don't want to come, it's fine. Just pretend that you're down with something, okay? 'Di ka naman mapipilit pumunta kung may sakit ka," she said.

Naka-alis na si Cathy pero ako, nag-iisip pa rin kung ano ang gagawin ko. It wasn't as if I had much of a choice. Para kasing isang malaking kulungan itong AdM. Walang internet, hindi pwedeng tumawag sa labas. Wala akong masyadong pwedeng gawin... And since attendance was mandatory for that tradition, malamang lahat ng tao ay nasa auditorium din mamaya.