Just One Look.

All We Ever Wanted.

It's 8 in the morning and I'm laying on the floor of Izzys apartment in between trash and clothes, absently letting my fingers brush over Izzys guitar that's standing next to me- the only thing in the room that seems to be not dirty.

But I don't care for trash and dirt and cockroaches or whatever- he's living all on his own what's a damn attracting thought to me. It's all ok living with my grandma, but I can't suppress the slight ache of jealousy in my stomach every time I'm here. What's really not very often- in fact it's my third time and my first without Axl.

I just know them both since maybe 8 and being buddies with them since maybe 4 months now and they are very close, so I still see Izzy as originally Axls friend. I don't even know why Axl ended up living at my room instead at Izzys, but he crushed at my place on time and somehow never left. Since me and Axl momentarily play in the same band, it also is the easiest way.

Though I still sometimes think it's weird when being alone with Izzy, it seems like he's the only one I can get along with tonight. I'm finally down from the acid, but my face is still twitching slightly and my eyes are all puffy, sticky and swollen from having cried for about an hour in the goddamn Whisky like a fuckin' girl.

Izzy had been there all the time, silently sitting beside me, smoking like a maniac and just waiting for me to stop crying. When I finally did he offered me to crash on his floor, without an explanation, but I just agreed, really not wanting to run into Axl and a furious Judy throwing (probably my own stuff) after me.

Izzy is quiet. He's calm. He's thoughtful and to me the most adult one of all of my friends. That serious face. The grim smile. The way he talks- it all speaks of experience and that he's very sure, very aware of his own personality. He's unique in such a simple, cool and lazy way, I can somehow just admire him. I gotta admit that the first time I ever saw him waking inside of the store I was working at to that time, the only thought that came to my mind was 'damn, that's how I wanna be'.

I'm sighing, feeling a slight mix of sickness and exhaustion washing over me. Regret maybe. But for what, I can't say.

"You're ok." Izzy suddenly says from the bed. It's a comment, not a question.

"Am I?"

"Yes. You stopped crying. You're almost sober. And you're here, what means you can relax and stop thinking about it."

I'm surprised by his sureness, his easy and calming way to convince me of something that may or may not be true. But heard from his mouth it somehow convinces me. "Yeah...you're right. Thanks...or something..."

"For what, dude?"

"You're damn patient."

"I am."

"Why?"

"Kinda used to it."

"To what?"

"Being the only one people can come to."

I don't answer, but just give him a questioning look.

"Well, I'm Axls best friend since we've been kids, mind that."

I'm still just looking at him, not getting what he wants to say, so he laughs quietly. "You don't know him very well, do you?"

I shrug my shoulders, thinking that no, I really don't know him much.

"Well, I'm not going to tell ya'. You'll find out anyway."

"Uhm...ok..."

I am sure he's about to ask me about Axl now and what is going on between us, but he never does, just leaves me with my own thoughts, what I'm really thankful for. I don't like talking very much. In fact I never talked much. Even in class, before they had started laughing at me and giving me weird looks, I never tried to find a way to get in contact with them or to belong.