Trusting Ghosts | James Potter

14

One particular morning I woke up early, probably about six o'clock, way to soon for any body to be up and about. I closed my eyes and thought of going back to sleep. I tried blocking out how cold it was but the freezing air nipped at my toes and my face.

I sighed and got up, I walked over to the dresser and pulled out my black sweater that was two times my size. It had been one of my older brothers though I couldn't think of which brother, probably Eric's.

I slipped it on and stalked down the stairs, the stone floor was bitter cold. I regretted not wearing socks but it was to late now. I jumped on the couch in front of the fire and snuggled into one of the many pillows. I smiled into it and was almost asleep when I heard foot steps walking down the stairs.

I turned and saw Remus who was rubbing his eyes and didn't seem to notice me. He had on a grey shirt and blue flannel pajama bottoms. I smiled and said, "Hey Rem," he jumped at my voice and finally noticed me.

"Oh hey, you scared me." He grumbled tiredly. I smiled and patted the seat next to me. He walked over and sat down on the plush crimson couch. He stifled a yawn, "What are you doing down here so early?" He asked as I draped the blanket I had been using over his legs. I frowned, "I could ask you the same question, but if you really must know I couldn't go back to sleep. "

He smiled, "Yeah I couldn't either, and it's really cold." I nodded. "A cold front must have come. The floor is freezing and the windows are frosted over." I pointed to one of the windows that looked out to Hagrid's hut. The delicate frost laced the window making it look fogged over.

"It's funny, how ice looks so delicate and beautiful but in reality, It can kill." I voiced my thoughts to him who smiled.

"Kind of like the opposite of you." He said staring at the fire.

He looked at me and I frowned, "How so?" I asked. "You, Carina Kennedy, pretend you can do anything. You act like you can take on the world but on the inside you are sensitive and delicate and silently breaking."

I was speechless. Where did that even come from? How does such a young boy think of these things?

"I can see where there might be some truth to that." I said after a few moments of thought. "I'm not delicate though. I don't know where you got that. "

He shook his head with a knowing from on his lips. "You're full of it." He laughed. "Okay so not delicate. What are you then? "

"Well apparently I'm full of it." I deadpanned.

"You always do that. When you feel uncomfortable you joke it off." He remarked, shaking his head.

"Fine. I think, I'm pretty great. I'm funny, smart, and I have a great moral compass. Is that good enough?" I jeered.

"Indeed. Well I better get some homework done. Testing isn't to far off." He replied.

And with that he stood up and walked back up the stairs to the boys dormitories, he turned around. "You need to give yourself some space from James. He still hung up on lily and he's just going to lead you on. Even if he likes both of you, someone's still going to be hurt. Please don't let it be you.James doesn't know what to think right now and I don't think you do either."

He finished his hike up the stairs to leave me with my thoughts. His words hit me much harder than they should have. I sat there and watched the fire slowly burn. I couldn't take it anymore, I didn't like to cry but sitting on that couch in my favorite place, I silently cried my eyes out.

I held many burdens, I was the one who people came to for their problems. James asked for help with lily, that worked out but he left me sad and broken hearted. He didn't mean to but he led me on, I started falling for James Potter and he left.

Paige in a way left me with her burden and her with mine. It's just what we do. We help each other and lift the other higher that ourselves. We are best friends and she is my sister. She told me about Leila and I told her about Elijah. Both were people we lost and we were able to relate and find comfort in each other.

I needed to get out. Anxiety gripped me like a snake, so I broke down on that couch. I shook and sobbed and let the pain and hurt envelope me like a old friend.

Hours or maybe moments passed by as I closed my eyes and fell prey to the silence as the morning sun shone through the windows, consuming me.