Trusting Ghosts | James Potter

17

Me and Wilder walked in the great hall side by side. We had been laughing at his story about how he had fallen down the latter leading up to divination in forth year.

We stopped walking when we were a couple feet away from James, Sirius, Peter, Nicole, Ada, Remus, Paige, and Lily. I could feel multiple eyes on me but I ignored them. "I had a good time today, I hope we can do it again." He said startling me from my thoughts.

"Yeah me too, I'll see you tomorrow in the library." I told him. He grinned, and I smiled back at him. He pulled me into a hug. It was awkward because he was tall, even taller than James, and I was only 5'3. He must have been 6'2 or somewhere around there.

I noticed how warm he was, even though it was freezing cold from where we had just come in from outside. I also noticed how perfectly I fit into his arms.

I blushed at that thought and pulled away. I smiled sheepishly and waved goodbye. I turned around and walked over to my friends. I sat beside Remus and grabbed some food. I felt eyes on me so I looked up.

"What?" I asked.

"What was that?" James asked.

"What was what?" I asked innocently although I could feel my cheeks warming up from the attention.

"The hugging, the blushing! Are you two together? You moved on fast." He said.

"What, no he's just a friend, I literally met him earlier today." I said raising my voice.

"Oh, someone's jealous!" Sirius said with a laugh. He was quickly silenced with a elbow to the ribs by James.

"Did James pull something with you?" Paige whispered to me.

"Paige it's fine. Leave it be." I said placing my hand on her arm. She looked uncertainly at me. "If you say so."

After a few moments of silence Ada decided to speak up, "How did you two break up? I've heard... Uh, Rumors." She asked.

James shrugged, "Ask Carina, she knows better than anyone." I glared at him.

I frowned, then got up. "Dinner was great I'll see you guys later." I turned and walked swiftly toward the door. I stopped when a large hand placed itself on my shoulder. I stood up straighter and turned around.

"I don't understand."

"You don't have to James. I know how this ends and your going to be great at whatever you do. But I just can't handle a relationship right now, especially not with you and this whole lily thing. It's a sensory overload.
I see the way you look at her, like you never forgot about her for a second. I know you love us both, so I'm making the choice for you. All I ever wanted for you, was to be happy. And you have more of a life with her than you ever would with me."

I took a deep breath, I looked around. Paige and company were watching us, Lucius Malfoy and his goons were watching us, Wilder and his friends were watching us.

I winced at the hurt look on his face but gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks for trying to be there, even if I didn't let you."

I turned and walked out the room. I looked at myself in the mirror of the first corridor bathroom. I had gotten things off my chest. I should feel free from those burdens now, but inside I was a raging blizzard battling against a fierce hurricane. I realized they had been there since I had stared this fake dating thing.

I sighed. I didn't think things were great, in fact, I could agree they were catastrophic but maybe I could try to look forwards not back.

Maybe I could forgive myself.

For falling in love with someone who I couldn't let myself love.

But then again forgiveness is a process it doesn't happen over night, even if it is forgiving yourself. I had to try and put these things behind me. It wasn't my fault. I didn't do it. It will get better. Things always get better. Right?