Trusting Ghosts | James Potter

24

I threw my textbook at the door in frustration. How could a simple transfiguration spell be this hard. All I needed to do was turn my quill into a large animal and I could get extra credit to make up for the pitiful class grade I had gotten in Transfiguration.

I had been practicing in the dorm for the past 45 minutes. Why couldn't all this be easy? I sighed and put my wand down on the nightstand. If I keep on I would get even more agitated, and be very grouchy. I was already at medium grouch, I don't need to take anything to the next level.

I paced to my dresser and back to my bed. Back and forth, back and forth, until I remembered that pacing was a bad habit. I stopped and sat on my bed so I wouldn't be tempted to start again. I stared at the brown quill sitting on my quilt. The little bugger.

I took notice of my tapping foot and my drumming fingers. I had a lot of pent up energy on top of all the transfiguration anxiousness which was not a good combo. I needed to get out of this room. I suddenly felt restricted, I glanced at the door. I grabbed my wand and the textbook off the floor. I'll go ask Wilder about this. He seems smart.

I stuffed everything, along with the quill, in my messenger bag before dashing out the door. Where would Wilder be? I'll check the library.

I headed out the common room door. I started absent mindedly hitting my leg with one hand while twisting the ends of my hair with the other hand.

I made it to the library and immediately spotted the Ravenclaw I was looking for. "Hey Wilder. I need help." I said, pulling out my book and showing it to him. "I can't get this spell."

"Which spell?" He asked barely glancing at me.

"Uh, the one i told you about, where I turn the object into a large animal, it's for extra credit." I explained.

"Can you get someone else to help you? I'm kinda busy. It's a really easy spell. Just ask any one." He said walking away before I could say anything.

Wilder is one of those people that doesn't mean to, but can sometimes make you feel inferior.

I guess he was busy, I told myself.

But was he really?

Why would he have said it if he wasn't?

I closed my eyes and started edging my way towards the door. I coughed as I held back my tears. Flashbacks from childhood ran marathon's around my head. I had frequent panic attacks when I was little.

They started when I was out seven or eight. Total meltdowns randomly for weird reasons. I didn't have them to often. About once every other month.

I tried to crush the rising panic in my chest. It felt like a huge swelling wave, it kept building up until the back of my throat was stinging and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I gasped and noticed how violently I was shaking.

No! Not here not now!

I backed out the door and walked down the hall. I coughed trying to get rid of the pain in my throat. My knees were about to give out. I tripped but caught myself before I fell to the floor. I couldn't see, I couldn't hear. I could only focus on myself and the need to get out.

"Miss Kennedy, Are you alright?" someone yelled behind me, I slowed down but this worsened the shaking. I didn't want to see who came up to me. "Land sakes child, what is going on? I best get you to Madame Pomfery." The lady tutted. It was Mcconagall.

I went with her willing and without question.

"Get her on that bed there, by the open curtain. Yes, that one." Another lady called out to us. Were we already at the nurse's? Pomfrey handed me a box of tissues to sop up my tears.

I was still shaking but the crying had stopped and a headache had replaced the tears. "What is wrong with her?" Minerva demanded.

"Oh, nothing is wrong with her. I believe she had a anxiety attack. How do you feel dear?" Madame Pomfery asked, handing me a light periwinkle liquid that smelt of lavender. "Tired." I whispered, afraid that if I raised my voice I would cry again.

"This is a simple sleeping drought. It will help you to sleep for a few hours so you can rest. Drink up."

"Okay", I sighed and drank the foul thing. The lavender gig was a lie. Blah! It tasted like someone put sour milk and brussel sprouts in a blender and called it a potion.

McGonagall turned to leave so I mumbled a quick thank you before drifting off to sleep.

"No, both you buffon's be quiet!" A loud, very familiar voice hissed. Paige? I opened my eyes and saw Paige glaring at Sirius and James. "She's asleep." She reprimanded.

"Not anymore. Good job you three." Nicole grumbled from the opposite side of the bed where she stood with Ada and Remus.

"Hey guys, why are you here?" I asked, sitting up. James grabbed a pillow and stuffed it behind my back. "Thank you." I mumbled, He smiled in response.

I honestly felt a little embarrassed. None of my friends has ever seen me during or after a anxiety attack. I had told James and Paige about them but no one else knew.

"McGonagall told us about what happened." Paige answered my question. "We came as soon as we heard." I looked at the clock and saw it was four thirty. I had the attack around one or two.

"When did you get here?" I asked.

"Maybe... An hour ago?" Ada asked the others.

"Sounds about right." James nodded.

"WHAT? You guys didn't have to do that. I was- I am fine." I scolded them.

"You would have done the same for us." Sirius spoke from behind Paige. A chorus of "Yeah." and "yep!"'s came back in response. "Still... An hour?"

"What happened anyway?" Paige asked.

"I had a Anxiety attack." I said as casually as I could.

"Have you eaten dinner?" I inquired, trying to change the subject.

"We were waiting on you. Besides, it just started. We have time." Ada piped up.

"Well I think I'm fine. Excuse me, Madame Pomfery!" I called for the nurse. She tottered over. "Yes dear? Is everything ok?"

"I was hoping that it would be ok for me to leave." I said.

"Of course. As long as you feel normal you're free to go." She said waddling back to her desk.

"Alright." I said swinging my legs of the bed. James and Remus rushed forward as if to catch me. "Guys. I am fine." I said, standing up. "I had a meltdown, not surgery. Calm down."

They slowly backed away as I linked arms with Paige and walked to the Great Hall. We sat down in the usual spots except James slid in beside me, i smiled at him as he rested his arm on my shoulders and pulled me in for a hug.

Dumbledore stood up and clinked his fork against his glass. "Good afternoon pupils! Tonight we have a new transfer student from Durmstrang. Please welcome Archer Adeev." He exclaimed as the students erupted in applause. James reached over me with his other arm still around me to clap, jostling my head in the process.

He laughed at the sour expression I sent him. I looked back at the front where the Durmstrang boy stood with McGonagall who had the sorting hat and conjured a seat. Archer sat at the stool and the sorting hat was placed on his head. "Gryffindor!" It yelled out after a moment's hesitation.

The boy was tall, at least as tall as Wilder who was ginormous at 6'2. Darian was dark skinned and had close cropped hair, his eyes were dark. He was undeniably attractive and all the girls seemed to be on alert. Even Paige looked at least interested. Who was this guy?