Trusting Ghosts | James Potter

13

James laughed at my comment as he sat in front of me in the Three Broomsticks. We had just sat down and gotten our butter beer.

"Well, Marcella does have a lot to say about owls. It does seem strange now that you mention it." James said, responding to my comment about a fellow classmates obsession with birds.

"Yes well, we all have something we like." I said, taking a sip of my golden drink.

"What are some things you like?" James asked leaning forward. "I know you like baking and you like quidditch, why did you stop playing for the team last year?"

"It's fun but I always ended up getting hurt or so nervous that I couldn't function. It just stopped being fun so I decided to let someone else have the spot. It's just to much all at once to play it." I said, playing with my glass's handle.

"What do you mean to much? Like stuff going on?" He asked.

"Uh kinda, I have anxiety and anxiety attacks so sometimes it's like a sensory overload because I get so anxious about the game. It's just easier for me to not play. That why I like baking. You can mostly take your time, it's straight forward and simple." I explained.

"I didn't know. Although it makes since now. So when you walk out of a classroom during a test and the professor lets you, that's why?" He asked curiously.

"Yeah, I get test anxiety occasionally. Its mostly with potions and astrology. I'm so afraid that I'll mess up, that I freeze and can't remember anything so I start panicking. I have a secret code with all my professors, one finger means I feel anxious and I need to talk to Professor Mcconagall, and two is I'm having a anxiety attack and I need to leave the room. I talk to Mcconagall because she's head of house." I explain, taking another sip of my drink.

"I had no idea. You've hid it rather well. Does Paige know?" He inquired.

"Oh yeah, my parents and hers know along with all my siblings and a few of my friends. I'm not trying to hide it, I'm not ashamed and I never will be, but I don't like people to treat me different so I don't exactly broadcast it." I said taking my jacket off, it was warming up by the window.

"How do people treat you differently?" He said, unwrapping his scarf from around his neck.

"They just act like I can't handle anything, teachers especially. Like I'll fall apart if they look at me wrong. It gets annoying. My anxiety doesn't work like that, it comes and goes, there's good days and bad days." I said.

"I hope you don't mind me  asking a lot of questions, I'm just trying to understand you is all." James said.

"Oh I don't mind, it's kinda nice to explain it to someone else. Helps me keep it straight in my head." I reply.

"So do normal things make you anxious?" He asked.

"Sometimes, it really depends. Hard tests, calling people I don't know, talking to store employees, and even changing plans last minute, it all can make me anxious, it just depends on the day." I answer.

"Have I ever made you anxious?" He asked cautiously.

"In the very beginning, when I first met you and you were all over place like every other eleven year old boy. Also when you proposed the idea of faking a relationship." I say, not meeting his eyes.

"I'm sorry. I never meant too. Can I do anything to help you out? Like in situations that make you nervous?" He asked, reaching across the table to grab ahold of my hand.

I smiled at his adorable generosity, "just by being my friend and checking up on me from time to time. It's not a thing you need to worry about, I can overcome it and I'm not going to fight what happens with it. In some ways I'm glad I have it, anxiety has taught me a lot." I reply squeezing his hand.

"Do you want to head to Honeydukes? I know you probably promised Paige some Flying Whizbees." He  offered.

"Yeah let's go, I wouldn't want to disappoint Paige when she's hungry."