Life After Death

Chapter 38

"She died instantly," Roman said, as his story came to an end. "I survived. The drunk driver was her mother - shockingly, who also died, not because of the accident but because of alcohol poisoning. A month later I killed myself."

"Roman," I said, feeling the tears coming on.

"It's okay," he mumbled. "It happened a long time ago."

"So what is the connection with me and Clara?" I asked, looked at my hands in my lap.

"Nothing. You two are completely different people," he said. "Only thing is you two look exactly alike. Its scary. Its like you two are identical twins or something."

"Thats weird."

"You have no idea." Roman said, laughing. "When I saw you, I genuinely thought it was her. But when you spoke and the way you acted - I knew it wasn't my Clara."

For some reason I was felt offended. Roman sensed that.

"Meredith -"

I inhaled sharply. "It's okay..." I cradled the packet of Cheetos to my chest. "I came here for reason."

"And that was?"

"Danny," I said. "I would love nothing more than for you to deliver a message for me. I need you to tell him that - that I'm sorry. And that David loves and thinks about him all the time."

Roman didn't say a word. He just gave me this weird look. "You are too different from her. Clara would have been fuming. She wouldn't bother with delivering some message to her boyfriend's mistress."

"Well, like you said, I'm not Clara in any way."

"No, you're not," Roman said, "you are Meredith."

"Unfortunately," I grumbled.

"Fortunately," Roman corrected me. For a moment we locked eyes and there was so much I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell how I felt about him - even though my feelings toward him were irrelevant - but I wasn't Clara. I didnt have her guts. Plus, Roman had Sylvia now. "We should get some rest. Its a big day tomorrow."

"It is?"

"Yeah," Roman nodded. "Tomorrow we figure out what we are going to do about the whole Lucifer trying to take your soul power. You need to learn to control it. Plus I feel like we have a lot to talk about still."

"We?"

"Yes, Louisa, we. I've been your guide since day one and I'm not going to give up now." Roman gave me a comforting smile. It warmed me from the inside out. Then, it all broke it shards of sharp glass because I realized that he didn't feel the same way about me, and that was the worst pain I had ever experienced.

Roman snatched the bag of Cheetos from my grip. "Thats mine."

***

The night before, sleeping next to Roman wasn't this intense for me as it had been that night. Every movement Roman made caused my heart to pummel against my chest. I swore something was wrong with me.

I knew I had this crush on Roman - I just didn't think it was this bad. I really liked Roman, which was insane because well, he was Roman!

I stared at the ceiling. Hoping sleep would just come to me so that I could drift off into a wonderful slumber where Roman liked me and it didn't hurt this much -

"Can you shut up?" Roman interjected. I felt my cheeks burn.

"What do you mean -"

"Your thoughts are really loud," Roman said. "You never practiced guarding them, did you?"

"No," I said, sheepishly into the darkness.

"Wanna practice now?" Roman asked me after a short while of silence.

I turned on my side to stare at the back of his head. Roman turned to face me, I'm sure, because I could feel his breath fan my face - it smelt like mint chocolate mingled with Cheetos.

I gulped. "Now?"

"Yeah," he said. "It's really annoying having to hear you confess your undying love for me."

"Shut up!" I screeched.

"It's going to be awkward if I don't bring it up," Roman said laughing. He sat up. "Are you sure you don't want me sleeping on the floor instead."

"You're warm," I said, truthfully.

"It's because I'm hot," he said, I could hear the smile in his voice.

You have no idea, I added subconsciously.

Roman got up from the bed and flicked on the bedroom light and the room filled with a warm light.

"Okay," Roman said, sitting in front of me on the bed. "Do what I told you to do the first time we did this."

I did. I closed my eyes and imagined walls locking my thoughts in the middle. Preventing everyone from hearing them or getting to them. "I think its working..." I said. But he didn't respond, I popped open an eye to see Roman staring at me. "Do I have Cheetos crumbs on my face or something?"

A small smile curved on Roman's lips. "I'm just..." He sighed. "Try again." His voice was husky. It was weird.

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

He cleared his throat. "I'm fine, jeez!" Roman rolled his eyes. "Now close your eyes."

I closed my eyes. The walls in my subconscious came into view and it became easier.

"Now all you have to do is do your best to keep those walls constant... whenever you're around me," he added the last part under his breath.

"Why? Do you find my thoughts annoying?"

"Not exactly," Roman said. "Theres just a lot of things going on up there." He tapped my temple.

"So? I tend to over-think a lot," I mumbled.

"Yeah," Roman said, "I know. Its all jumbled in there and confusing and..."

"Hey, about my 'undying love' for you can we not talk about it or, like, bring it up?" I refused to make she contact with him. This was all to embarrassing I needed to learn how to guard my thoughts - and soon.

"Why?"

"Roman, just please. We have enough shit going on - or I have enough shit going on," I said, sighing.

"You don't have to -"

"Please just shut up? I cannot be embarrassed anymore," I climbed back into the bed and snuggled up. "Also I kind of hate you right now."

"Why?"

"Because you're a greedy, mother fucking bitch who doesn't share their mint chocolate," I snapped, closing my eyes. "Goodnight."