sleeping arrangements.

BUSAN

taehyung focus
that night, taehyung stays hidden beneath layers of blankets. unsure of what to do or even, what to feel. a part of him feels a little liberated, another part feels embarrassment, awkwardness, a little bit of dread but mainly felt disappointed.

taehyung, what are you doing? you knew he wasn't gay.

but he was there to protect me, and my heart raced whenever he was besides me. i don't want to lose that feeling but now ive gone and ruined it all.

taehyung, jungkook only thought of you as a friend. why torture yourself over this one sided love?

whatever, tomorrow he's gonna drive away to college. there's no stopping him leaving. so you should drop the idea of him realising his love for you

he sits in bed and stares out of the window. taehyung hadn't bothered to draw the curtains, so lights from the outside world were visible from his bedroom. he follows the car's headlights as they race to wherever they need to go. his eyes traces after the huge buses passing by, wondering if the any passengers of the bus felt as miserable as he did.

he rolls over in bed to check the time; 10:12pm. the party would be well underway now, jimin would be drunk off his face, namjoon stoned and jin would be drunk-dancing with some random girl. taehyung should be there; getting drunk and yelling "graduation!" at the top of the stairs and then jumping off and attempting to stage dive one more time.

instead, he's lying in his bed, wallowing about jungkook and how he was going to sleep through the night without jungkook there.

                                  +

"taehyung?" he hears his mom ask quietly.

"do you need anything?" she asks, concern filling her voice.

a new sleeping partner and a new heart would be nice, thanks mom.

"no." taehyung replies, shifting around in his bed to face the wall and away from his mom's worried eyes.

"okay. well, then, im going to be in my room." miss kim hesitantly closes the door behind her

how do i fall asleep now?

his eyes catch on to the boxes in the corner of the room, waiting to be packed. guess you'll have to pack if you don't wanna face your nightmares tonight

taehyung sits up and rubs his watery eyes with the palms of his hand. he removes his hands from his face and studies the moving boxes sitting dejectedly in the corner of his room.
he pushes the duvet away and stood up, cold air hitting his skin.

he gathers everything he wants to take to college and sorts them slowly into different boxes, folding clothes and tucking textbooks away neatly. his mind's blank as he does, thoughts of sleep and jungkook vanishing from his head as he takes his time to pack away carefully.
by the time he's finished, it's 12:01am.

he leans into a full box and breathes in the cardboard smell. what do i do now?

he tips out everything he packed away and starts all over again, repeating this cycle over and over again until he feels like he can sleep for at least an hour, without having the nightmares disrupt him.

time flies by as he silently and eerily tidies away his belongings, careful to not to wake his mom or grandma up.
he pauses midway to check his phone.

i know it's highly impossible, but im waiting for the phone to ring, waiting for jungkook to call me and tell me that he likes me too.

it's stupid, i know.

even knowing that he was being ridiculous - it doesn't stop him from peering at his lockscreen every two seconds in case jungkook had called or messaged something.

fustrated, he switches off his mobile and chucks it on to the bed haphazardly. he groans as he drops whatever he was packing away and flops on to his bed, welcoming the comforting smell of detergent and feel of cotton under his skin.

taehyung stares up at the white ceiling of his room. this whole thing is so embarrassing.
'healing', my ass, taehyung thinks grumpily as he remembers what namjoon had said about confessing.

taehyung thinks back for the thousandth time, to the way jungkook had reacted to his confession.

your first proper proper crush rejected you. wow, sucks to be you, taehyung. he thinks as he watches the ceiling fan spin overhead.

everything sucks so much.

taehyung curls up on the duvet, knees tucking into his chest as mild depression overwhelms him.

he swallows the growing lump in his throat and tighten himself into a smaller ball.

everything sucks so so much, he thinks again as he cradles himself. surprisingly, he doesn't cry or sob over his rejected confession. instead, he hugs his upper body and wonders how he was gonna get through college with a broken heart and a terrible case of insomnia.

                                   +

THE NEXT DAY, 8:43AM.
taehyung glances at the bedside table; 8:43am, the clock read.
taehyung wonders what jungkook was doing now, at that very moment.
did he go to the party? was he thinking about taehyung? was he getting ready to travel to busan?

maybe he's on his way to busan already? he didn't even message or call to say goodbye.