Buzzkill (A Lesbian Story)

13: I Hate You 2.0

I found Ashley sitting in one of the displays chairs on the second level. My first thought was "How the hell did she get up there?", but I also realized that she was just staring off into space. Her jaw was clenched and her eyes were hard. She was pissed and the type of pissed where she looked like she was going to cry also. I almost regretted following her to talk.

"Ash?" I asked quietly.

"What?" Ashley clenched her fists.

I sighed and put my shoulder against the metal pole of the aisle. "Can we have a talk?"

"I believe you've said enough." Ashley's voice shook. "I don't want to talk anymore."

"But I think we need it." I turned my head to look up at her. "The air needs to be cleared, Ash. There's been a lot of beef between us and I know that we are both to blame. All I'm asking is that you have a conversation with me so that we can understand."

"Understand what?" Ashley finally looked at me. She hopped down from her chair and stood in front of me, "What is there to understand, Max?"

Her aggravated tone caused me to take on a similar one. I crossed my arms and furrowed my eyebrows. "Oh, hmm, I don't know. Maybe why you feel like Steve and I are the bad guys? Well, scratch that, you actually have civil conversations with him. With me, however, is completely different. You treat me like shit. Why do you hate me so much? What did I do to you, Ash?" She got really taken aback at that. She looked away from me and I kept trying to catch her eyes. "What did I do? Please let me know because that question has been killing me for years. What did I do to you to make you leave us in the dust? Why do you hate me?"

Ashley looked at her feet. Her posture and her face had softened up a bit. Carefully, she met my eyes. "I don't hate you. Quite the opposite, actually."

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. "What...do you mean?"

Ashley sighed loudly and rubbed her face then put her hands in her hair. "I-I love you, Max. You're my best friend. You've always been my best friend...No matter what happened..."

"Then why..." I was still confused as to what her words meant. "Why did you...Why did you ditch us? Why did you treat me like I was trash?"

"I was...envious of you." Ashley looked away from me once again.

These words did not make any sense. I know I'm not that bright when it comes to confrontations and conversations about stuff like this. I shook my head, "Envious? How?"

She looked terrified to tell me. She kept her eyes everywhere except of in my direction and she wrung her hands in front of her. "I was envious of you and your pride. You were proud to be yourself. Even when you looked scared to tell me, you were still so confident about saying it out loud. I never....I never could say it."

"Say what?" I asked, not picking up what she was putting down.

Ashley groaned and threw her hands in the air in exasperation. "For the love of God, Max! Could you be any thicker?!?!" She stepped forward and I thought that she was going to strangle me, but her hands only went to the back of my neck. Her face got really close to mine and I sucked in a breath. Her breath fanned out over my face and I could smell the Chinese from earlier. Our foreheads touched as her nose brushed against mine. Slowly, her nose moved to trace my facial features. I stood there, shocked and staring at her in the dim lights. She spoke softly to me as her nose rested back on mine, "Max, I love you. More than how we used to say that way back when. I felt something for you and it scared me because I didn't know how to deal with it. My parents also talked bad about that sort of topic. I was scared so I got away." She exhaled deeply and shook her head, her next words came out as a whisper. "I wanted to kiss you that night that you told me you were gay. I wanted to so badly, but I was scared. I was just so scared, Max. And there you were, all out and proud..."

I couldn't find my voice for a few seconds. I licked my lips and said, "Ash, I'm sorry...I'm so sorry." My hands rested on hers. "You should've told me. I could've helped...No one should experience stuff like that alone."

Her hands shook and her breathing hitched, "I couldn't have just told you."

"Why?"

A groan escaped her lips before she turned around and threw her hands up in the air. "You don't understand! You don't understand how it feels to like someone and not be able to act on it due to being scared of what they would think or what everyone else would think."

That took me by surprise. Does she seriously think that I don't know how that feels. Pushing away whatever surprise I had, I reached out to spin her around her face me. "Ashley, do you seriously think I don't understand how that feels? That is my life. Before and after I came out, I felt that. I understand. I do. You're not alone, okay? Don't scared about that. I mean, we're in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, so be scared for that okay?" I wiped a tear away from her cheek and smiled at her. "Don't be afraid of who you are, Ash. You are wonderful how you are."

Wow, this has been a progressive conversation. We started out yelling and now we've had a breakthrough and she's crying while I'm my head was still reeling. Ashley was...one form of queer or another and she liked (likes?) me. I was the cause of her departure from our friend group. Sure, it was mostly her own internal battle of fear and insecurity, but I was still the center. I felt a bit upset about that. If she didn't feel like she could talk to me about this, then what kind of friend was I to her?

"I'm sorry you were alone, Ash." I whispered and pulled her in for a hug. She wrapped her arms around my torso and pressed her face into my neck. That's how we stayed for a while, her quietly crying in to my neck and me rubbing her back softly to comfort her.

Suddenly, Ricky's bark pierced the air, making Ashley and I jump apart. He wasn't just barking due to Steve playing with him. He was barking and growling like someone who wasn't supposed to be here was here. Ashley and I both ran towards our little camp just as Steve yelled my name. I heard other voices. Guy voices. We stumbled over the fence before arriving at our place. Steve was fighting with some teenage guy, grappling to get each other to the ground. Three other guys stood behind them, laughing at Steve's tries. One saw us and started sprinting towards us. I pushed Ashley behind me, "Run!" And so we did. We ran out of the section. Ashley jumped the wire fence while I, being the most graceful creature, tripped on the very end part and hit my head on the ground. My vision went blurry and my ears started ringing. Ashley had grabbed my arm, pulling me up and yelling something. A hand wrapped around my ankle and I fell back to the ground. One of the guys grabbed Ashley around the waist, picking her up as she kicked and screamed and hit at him. I got to my feet and grabbed that guys arm, reeling my arm back to give him a right hook, making him drop Ashley. He pushed me backwards, making me fall onto my ass. My head spun as I looked up to see him bring his foot down onto my throat. My hands scrambled to his ankle, pushing and pulling to try to get him off. That only caused him to bring his boot down farther onto my throat. I could barely breathe and black spots started to appear in front of my eyes. I looked up to see the guy smiling maliciously. He was teenage with tan skin, dark hair, and dark eyes. His eyes were like black holes or maybe two identical pits of hell.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the third guy grab Ashley and drag her back to the electronic section. She was screaming my name or maybe I was imagining it. I felt my head pound as my vision went dark and her screams were drowned out by my pounding heart. His boot was finally lifted from my throat as I passed out. The last thing I remembered was the guy picking me up bridal style. His hellish eyes burned into me.

Author's Note: Either this plot twists is going to be complete shit or it's going to be pretty cool. Guess we'll find out together.