Buzzkill (A Lesbian Story)

31: I Love Her 2.0

  Running my fingers through my damp hair, I sat on the bed as I listened to the running water of the shower in the other room. I was slightly surprised at how just a shower made everything feel okay in  the world. I've been taking little things like that for granted lately. A warm shower didn't feel like much before all of this and now I'm sitting in awe at how easily it has calmed me. This whole setup in the hotel has made things seem normal, except for the guns over on Max's side of the bed next to the radio Grace gave us and the war zone when you look out the window. Just being in a hotel room with Max made things feel normal again, almost like things could be normal again.

  The water stopped and Max walked out a few minutes later in sweatpants and a sportsbra, drying her hair in a towel. There were bruises and marks all over her body, her shoulder being the most bruised from the stress against it. She looked rugged and badass, but also very tired like she hasn't slept in five days. There were dark circles under her eyes and her eyes were a an exhausted and dull blue-green color. She still kept a small smile on her lips, however. Max looked over at me and smiled through a wince as she lifted her arms to rustle her shoulder length hair. Sweeping her hair out of her face, she put the towel on the back of a chair and walked over towards me.

  "Nothing like a warm shower, amiright?" She sighed and sat down on the bed next to me, letting her body fall back onto the comforter. 

  I let out a snort, "I was just thinking that, actually."

  Her legs stretched out in front of her and emitted a small groan similar to a dog stretching. I laughed slightly as I saw her with her eyes closed and good arm stretched over her head. "You tired?"

  That made her eyes open quickly, "No. No. Nope. Why do you ask?"

  "Well, you are sprawled out like a dog ready to pass out."

  She squinted at me with an eyebrow raised, "You calling me a bitch?"

  I laughed and got up from the bed to go to the sink where my toothbrush resided, "I would never."

  "Now that's a damn lie." She appeared next to me as I started to brush my teeth. Picking up her toothbrush, she waited for me to be done with the paste before starting to brush her own teeth. "We have both called each other bitch on several occasions."

  Ah yes. She was right.

  I wasn't going to say she was right even if she was. All I did was tilt my head a bit in an acknowledgement to her statement before I spit into the sink, "Now, it is completely out of admiration."

  Max did the same as we both finished up our teeth brushing. Turning towards me, she put her arms around my waist and pulled me closer to her. My hands went up to rest on her neck. She was warm like she usually was: a human heating pad. The shower left her with soft skin that smelled like berries. Good she see she likes the same body wash and shampoo as old times.

  "You wanted to talk about last night." Max said to me with a bit of a smirk, "The kiss, the lack of words."

  Here I was about to completely forget that I wanted to talk with her. Many questions swirled around my mind about the two of us. I knew my feelings for her and she knows them, but what about her? The kissing has had to mean something to her, right? I mean, I had heard many stories about Max with girls just for the heck of it. She never had a solid girlfriend from what I'd seen. Just girls. At every party, she showed with a different girl. Most went to our school, but a lot I never recognized. Steve and I talked about it once and he said that Max was being a bit self destructive with it. Like she was trying to use girls and partying to forget something

  "What are your feelings for me, Max?" I asked, keeping a bit of distance between us. "What was behind the kiss?"

  She looked me in the eyes and I saw the wheels turning again. It was like she was trying to configure a sentence in her mind, but the words kept escaping from her. After a minute or two, she finally said, "I've had feelings for you for a while if I'm being completely honest." A hand came up and pushed hair out of my face, "For years, I felt like you were the only person that I could really be comfortable around. When you left, I didn't really know where that left me. I was sad and heartbroken because not only was I losing my best friend, I was losing a chance to be happy. Every time I was with you, I was happy. I wasn't happy for a while in high school."