Buzzkill (A Lesbian Story)

16: I Love Sleep

  We slept in shifts that night. Neither group trusted the other, so two from each slept at a time. I let Steve and Ashley sleep since they needed it the most. Chase was awake and he just sat by his brother. He was probably very wary of me due to putting his brother to sleep the way that I did. He also looked concerned for his brother. Don't blame him either.

  "I didn't mean for this to happen." Chase said softly. "We've just encountered so much corruption since it all started. Blake didn't want to take any chances, so he just had us attack first and ask questions later. I didn't think he was going to..."

 "I know," I said, trying to comfort him in some way. "but he did. He tried to stab my best friend and that is just very uncalled for."

  Chase looked at me with a look of grief on his face, "God, I'm so sorry. Once he wakes, we'll get what we need from here and go."

  I nodded, "He'll wake up soon. His brain is just taking advantage of his situation." My eyes then went over to Max. She slept in a sleeping bag next to me. I smiled slightly as I saw her face in the dim LED light. She looked so calm and peaceful in the Harvard sweatshirt I got for her. She hugged a pillow as she laid on her stomach, kind of snuggling the pillow like it was person.

  Oh how I wish it was me...

  I looked away quickly and focused more on my hands. I was still using anti-bacterial wipes to get the remnants of Max's blood off my hands. Most of it was gone, but there were still specks under my nails and in the grooves of my finger prints. I was a bit surprised at how chill I've been since the whole stitches situation. Max passed out almost instantly after I made a pallet for her out of the sleeping bags and pillows.

  She wanted to talk to me about what happened earlier. I couldn't do it, honestly. Not again. I lost my 10 seconds of courage after the whole three stooges fiasco. Now, I don't know how to deal with this situation because I know that she will want to bring it up again soon. I wouldn't know what to say, honestly. It's mostly my fault that it blew up the way that it did. I'm the one who kept things deep down into my heart and didn't let anyone, but myself know about it.

  You're still doing it, Ashley.

  Max made a small sound and rolled over. She stretched the arm that didn't have stitches above her head and exhaled deeply. Her blonde hair was up in a messy bun, but a few wisps were free and laid across her face. I reached down subconsciously and moved the hair out of her face gently.

  Lord, she's so cute.

  Suddenly, Blake jerked awake. He struggled for a bit to get free, but stopped when Chase put a hand on his shoulder. His face was bruised and dried blood was under his nose. He looked confused and very startled, "What the hell?"

 I stood up, ready for anything that may happen with him. Chase spoke softly, "Blake, it's okay. Calm down. You're safe."

  "Why the fuck am I tied up?" Blake looked around, "Are we in Walmart?" His eyes fell on me. There was even more confusion in his eyes, but recognition replaced it quickly. Then anger. "You. I should kill you!"

  "Try something!" I growled, "Give me an excuse to knock you on your ass again!"

  "Dammit, Ash." I heard below me. Max was stirring, rubbing her face as she sat up. "What's with the yelling?" Her eyes opened and she immediately saw Blake. A glare appeared on her face. "Wow, so the pain in my ass has awaken. You're lucky we didn't lock you outside."

  "What the hell is with the attacks?" He asked, pointing to me. "She's the one who attacked me!"

  That pissed me off. Max was in the same boat. "Oh, I'm sorry, but do you not remember stabbing me in the fucking chest?"

  He looked confused, then very panicked. His eyes grew wide, "Oh my god. I... what?"

  Did he seriously not remember being a dick? Scratch that, being a psychopath? Was he seriously that sleep deprived that he didn't remember trying to kill Max? Maybe it was just a crocodile  tears thing. He was playing the innocent card until he got untied and then given his knife back, or worse: one of our guns. However, he looked sincere. Almost like he was legit going to cry

  "I didn't..." Blake shook his head, "I couldn't have..."

  "Well you did." Max said, standing up. She winced and put a hand on her shoulder. Her jaw clenched and she set her eyes on Blake. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

  Chase nodded, but Blake looked furious. "Why the hell should I leave? This isn't your  Walmart."

  "Blake," Chase said, "We do need to go. I think you made us over stay our welcome."

  Blake just glared at his brother. "You're not going to take my side?"

  "You tried to stab that girl, dude!" He yelled. "You've been acting like a goddamn psycho ever since we lost Kate! I'm sorry, dude, but you need to move the hell on and be fucking strong because this is a crazy ass time and we need to stick together! We do not need to attack every group of people we come across! We are leaving because we need to keep moving or we die. Got it?"

  Blake seemed to have taken his brother's words to heart. His shoulders slumped and he tilted his head down. He exhaled a deep breath. "Fine. Let's just get supplies and we'll leave. Untie me."

  I squinted at him, "You're staying in those ropes until your bros get the supplies you need. I think that would be best, Blake."

  And that's what they did. Blake was left with Max and I while Steven went with Andrew and Chase to get supplies. Blake looked like he was almost sorry for himself. I wasn't going to feel sorry for him. I don't care if he felt remorse for stabbing Max, even if Max seemed to be slightly calm about it. She offered him water and some snacks. I had to admit that her forgiving and compassionate nature, even against the guy who tried to shank her, was something to admire. I never really could assume that amount of compassion. She was always the snarky one with a good heart.

  "You're a burnt marshmallow, Max." I had said to her, years ago, "Tough and scary on the outside, but nice and sweet on the inside."

 I smiled slightly as Max pulled up a bean bag chair so that Blake could sit up. She then walked over to take her seat again on the sleeping bag next to me. She looked at Ricky and smiled slightly while petting the scruff of his neck. "Hey boy. You doing good?" Ricky just wagged his tail and licked her hand, making a dazzling white smile appear onto her lips.

  Those red lips. Jesus.

  I looked away once more to bring my thoughts to a dead stop. I need to stop doing that. Ever since we started spending too much time together due to this pandemic, those thoughts have plagued my mind and they just haven't seemed to quiet down like they usually do. This is why I left her all those years ago. I left her and Steve because I couldn't handle all of the thoughts I had of her back then.

  I heard what my mom and dad used to say about LGBT people. It made me sick every time the conversation popped up as dinner conversation. My father would use horrible adjectives and slurs. My mom would make it sound like she wasn't completely agreeing, but the undertones of her voice made me belief different. I was scared, honestly, and so that drove me to stay quiet. Every thing I did was to protect myself, but it pushed the people I love most away from me. That was my biggest mistake and I'm not sure if I could forgive myself for it. Yet, here I am, still being  as secluded as ever, only getting as far as a yelling fight with Max. I don't even think she understood what I was saying to her. Granted, I wasn't very straightforward with my wording. Max may be intelligent, but she's very oblivious to a lot of obvious things in this life.

  Perhaps a straight forward, "I fell for you back then and still have the hots for you now." would be the right way to go.

Author's Note: Little bit of inside to Ashley's mind and her feelings towards Max. Vote if you like this and give me a comment if you want. Thanks for reading! Xoxo