Unconditional (Sequel to Senior Year - jb)

15. No.

NEXT CHAPTER COMING SOON ! DONT GIVE UP ON ME AFTER THIS ONE...

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Justin's POV

I poured myself a large glass of whiskey, just to calm my nerves at least a little. It had been about five hours since Chad had left my apartment and about three hours since I had sent Ava a text message, saying I wanted to see her in the evening. I knew she was at work at the moment, completely unaware what was going to happen. Her reply was just a happy 'k babe'. That hurt me so much. I wanted to just call her and tell her how much I loved her. She needed to know that. She needed to know she was loved and nothing was wrong with her.

God, she's so perfect.

I pressed my palms against my face, letting out a quiet sob. I couldn't shake my thoughts away. All this time I just thought why, why did I do something so stupid? Why did I have to ruin the most perfect thing I had in my life? She was the only reason I really wanted to continue everything that was going on with my life. She was always the reason why. And I had to go and screw that up completely.

Swallowing down my throat the large amount of whiskey before sitting down on the cold floor, burrying my head in my knees. Exhaustion and sadness was pressing my chest but I couldn't do anything. I couldn't work. I couldn't even look at my phone. I couldn't enter my home studio without memories flashing back at me. I felt sick to myself, hatred towards me filling up my whole body. I fell backwards to lie down for a moment, to take a few breaths before I passed out from the amount of sickness I felt. Warm tears rolled down my temples as I stared at the ceiling.

She was going to leave me. She was going to leave me the minute I would open my mouth to tell her that I had sex with another girl. She was probably going to throw things at me, yell at me like there's no tomorrow, scream at me. But worst of all, she was going to cry. Her beautiful face didn't deserve tears on it's smooth skin. She was too beautiful to look sad. That was one of the reason's I didn't want to tell her. The last thing I wanted was her to be sad. God, I only wanted happiness to her. Maybe we were never meant to be. Maybe I shouldn't have done that bet in the first place. We wouldn't be at this situation at the moment if it wasn't for the bet. Or my stupidity. I didn't deserve her because she deserved someone who treated her like the princess she was.

"I need more whiskey..." I murmured to myself before I pushed myself up to stand on my feet.

Just as I was about to grab the expensive whiskey bottle, flashbacks from my overdose came rushing back.

Sometimes I remembered small things about it. The newest thing I remembered was just before I passed out, I was in my old apartment's bathroom pouring down the pain killers down my throat but somehow I stumbled and took steps backwards. My back hit the wall and I bounced back forwards but my foot got caught in the bathroom carpet and I fell, hitting my head to the sink. Then everything went black.

But I always remembered how anguished I had been the whole week and somehow everything just felt much more worse that night. If it wasn't for Ava, I wouldn't probably be here at this very moment.

She was too good to me.

I put the whiskey bottle down, not wanting another hospital gig because of too much alcohol. I needed to take this all sober. I deserved this. I made this mess myself. I cause too much trouble to everyone.

-

With my hood covering my head, I walked down the streets, my head so down I could see the insects closely on the concrete. The air was damp because it was raining a little bit. I didn't want anyone to see me. Sometimes a few girls would notice me as the 'tumblr boy'. That's what I was called on Instragram and sometimes someone would even recognize me as the writer/producer I was. But right now, my head was so low and my hood was covering my head so I bet no one was going to recognize me. I needed to think about my words, what I was going to say to Ava to make it not seem like I didn't love her. On top of everything, she needed to know that I loved her more than anything. Even if she wasn't going to forgive me, I would understand her. I screwed this up. She did everything right.