Unconditional (Sequel to Senior Year - jb)

23. What to do?

~

It had been two days since I received the news that could change my life. Or atleast I thought so. Ever since that happened, my moods have been going up and down and I've started to recognize the pregnancy symptoms.

How was I so clueless? How could I not know that I was pregnant? I threw up almost every morning and my emotions were going around like a rollercoaster. But of course, I trusted my birth control so it occurred my mind.

I had been thinking hard about everything. Everytime I saw a small child in public, I thought about how my life would be if I was a mother. Would I be a good one? How would I raise him or her?

But the biggest question was; how was I going to tell Justin and when?

He still didn't know anything and I knew he had the right to know but I was too much of a coward to tell him. And I didn't know why. I guess I was afraid of his reaction. But then again, he didn't have the right to get mad at me because it had nothing to do with me. I was so confused about everything. I still didn't know what was going to happen between me and him. I knew that he wanted to be with him but the only problem was that I didn't trust him anymore and that I was pregnant. What if I decided not to have the baby but he wanted to keep it or the other way around? It would mean a whole new fight between us.

I had been going through the good's and the bad's about having a baby, making strict lists. But everytime I tried to come up with a good reason, a bad one popped into my mind. Abbie has been beating me up about it, telling me that I shouldn't be doing a list about the good's and the bad's without Justin. But if I wanted to make that list with him, I needed to tell him.

Ugh, everything's just so exhausting.

-

"So, you're gonna go there hoping it would help you decide?" Abbie sipped from her tea as she slouched back on her chair, revealing her t-shirt covered small pregnancy belly.

Mine was still smaller than hers.

"Yes, but even though I'm going there, I still havent decided." I shrugged, looking outside the café's window seeing how people rushed everywhere.

It was Thursday and it was almost 12am. I had called in sick for work so that I could visit this Abortion Clinic while their doors were still open for un-booked visits. I wanted to know how abortion was going to affect me and my body and what side effects could I be having from doing it.

Abbie scrunched her nose while shaking her head. I knew it from the start that she didn't like that decision at all.

"You know, if you decide to keep the baby, you won't be alone. You got two sisters, Justin possibly, Chad, mom and dad. Everyone. Hou don't have to worry about it." she blathered, trying to put sense into my head.

But I promise, I did have sense in my head. I just didn't know which choice should I make.

"But there's a lot more to that. I'm not worried about who's taking care of the baby. I just don't want it to come to a world where she or he has no parents. I mean, she does have parents but they need to be together." I sighed, thinking about how messy my situation really was.

"You said 'she'." Abbie flashed a small smile, hope written all over her face.

I rolled my eyes and smirked. That was the first beginning of a smile I've made in days. The last time I really smiled was a while ago. How depressing is that.