Unconditional (Sequel to Senior Year - jb)

16. Permanent

i got a ton of school work due to my maternity leave getting closer so sorry for the delay..

btw i listened to The Heart Wants What It Wants while writing this so i deffo recommend it while you read this... its heartbreaking BUT GOOD

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Ava's POV

"Please, leave..." I pleaded, choking up in my own tears.

Justin looked at me with tears in his eyes too, looking dumbfounded like he was surprised by my reaction.

"Ava..." he breathed, "It's still me."

No, it wasn't.

"Go!" I sobbed, powerless.

He sniffed while wiping his wet cheeks. There was a long silence, he seemed to be hesitating but I couldn't just wait for him to leave.

I was absolutely heartbroken.

I wasn't sure myself if I really wanted him to go. Of course I wasn't sure. Why would I just suddenly throw him out the door and pretend like my feelings just flew out the window like a rocket? But at the moment I had no idea what I was feeling, what he was feeling. So I needed him to leave, not want, but need.

My throat closed after a loud sob. He still hadn't moved anywhere so I needed to do something. I turned my back to him and started towards my bedroom. Closing the door after I walked over to my dresser, pacing back and forth in front of it. I held my breath for a minute, just to hear the front door getting closed. It was like that sound released a new wave of tears. This time much more powerful. I let out a defeated scream as I fell on to the floor, crying like I had never cried before.

Why? Why did he do it? What was wrong with me? Had I been too whiny, too picky maybe? What did I do?

I shouldn't have been so mad about the vacation. It was my fault. He was mad at me and tired about me always starting arguments with him. He needed someone else to touch him.

"Stupid." I cried, pulling my hair so much it hurt.

I know he said he didn't have feelings for her but something inside of me told me he did. We were so perfect so why would he just for the fun ruin it all? I wasn't enough for him. She was beautiful, curvy and basically everything he what he wanted. I should've known. I should've tried and better myself before he did the unthinkable. I was so in the wrong all this time. I couldn't stop thinking about him laying in bed, her on top of his bare chest.

I pushed myself up from the floor to stare at myself from the mirror that was hanging above the dresser. My hair was messy, my shirt looked dirty and gross and my face was puffy. Not as beautiful as Scheana. Not even close. She was perfect.

My gaze lowered to the framed pictures on the dresser. There was at least three pictures of me and Justin, on the Bali vacation, at Christmas at my parents's house in Graham. In every picture we were happy and looked so in love. We were. But what was left.

I thought our love was unconditional. I thought he was the one who was going to love me through thick and thin. He said it himself also. He promised to love me forever. I thought I wouldn't have to get heartbroken by him after the day he told me about the bet. I thought we were meant to be. I thought I was going to have kids with him, three kids, and live together until we were old and gray.

But how could I ever trust him again no matter how much he wanted to be with me?

I picked up one framed picture from the dresser and stared at it after wiping my teary eyes. He was kissing my cheek while grinning while I was clearly laughing my mouth wide open. He was wearing this ugly Christmas sweater my nana gave him and I was in a red t-shirt dress with an open back.