blood

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od amara2tall

od amara2tall

2:03am

I laid in the tub, with my razor blade next to me. My blood was every where however by now I'm used to it. Every night I get these thoughts in my mind and I can't control them. These thoughts hurt so I found a way to take away the pain, but lately the pain had not been going away. So tonight I cut on my arms and hips. I was bleeding a lot more than usual and I felt faint. I'll be fine eventually.

3:30am

I woke up, and felt cold and drenched in my own blood. Everything hurt but I had to clean up so my mom didn't find me like this. I had been in the tub so I ran the water until all the blood rinsed away from my body and the tub. I wrapped a towel around me and threw my clothes in the washer with some peroxide.

3:47am

I had texted my friend who'd been through everything with me and told him that I was not feeling well and now two hours later he was just getting back to me.

Toddy: Please, love. Don't do anything you'll regret.

Me: <3

4:06am

I lay in bed but don't sleep... I need to get out of this place; I need to move. But where would I move? Florida, too humid. New York, too many people. Dallas, too country. San Francisco, too cloudy. Los Angeles, that is where toddy is plus I love the beach. I think I'll move to La. And hopefully I can do that as soon as possible.

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See here is the thing I used to live in Huntington Beach with Toddy. I moved to Idaho with my mom when I was 15 after my freshmen year. We moved because that summer I had attempted to overdose on my antidepressants and ibuprofen 600mg. Toddy and I have the same birthday but I'm a little younger than him I'm 21. I just got out of college. I majored in english and minored in psychology. (My favorite class was "Death in Perspective")

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8:00am

I booked my plane ticket for tomorrow. I called Toddy and he said that in his house there is a room I can rent out because they extended the house to create more income or some bullshit. (lol) I'm actually happy for once! I packed my carry on and two checked bags. I can't wait to leave this hell hole place.

This is short more coming! :))

Heath is coming soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!