Loving my guardian

Chapter 9

Edited

Nash-----
It's been a week and I am slowly loosing hope. I think Skate was right Cameron isn't going to come help me. I should have know.
Help please. Cameron? Anyone?

Cam---
I still haven't given up hope for Nash. We have gotten more people so now there me, Matt, Carter, Hayes,(Hayes isn't Nash's brother in this), Shawn, Aaron, and Taylor. With each step I feel like we are getting farther and farther from Nash. Oh I miss him so much I've bearly eaten or slept since he has been gone. The boys try and get me to calm down. I'm going back to how I was. Let me tell you something. When I was still in school I was billed for being myself then I came out as gay and was billed way more. I started self harming and at one point I became suicidal and actually tried to kill myself but my sister walked in on me struggling to open the pill bottle with blood running down my arms and legs. That just in the hospital I cried wondering why I was still alive. I'm slowly falling back into that deep depression. And I'm starting to think I will never get Nash back. But I need to stay positive. In the time of need pray

(Sorry if this offends anyone talking about God or anything. I'm a proud believer and I should be able to write about what I wanna write)

"Dear God please help me find Nash. My life has been hell without him and I'm noticing that I love him more then a father and son way. Oh lord please just keep him safe till I get there. Please don't let Jacob and Skate do any harm to him and please keep an eye under him lord I'm praying to you for strength through this time. I'm praying for forgiveness for all the sins I have ever done. Please keep Nash safe and make sure I'm able to get him home alright. In Jesus's name Amen"
When I'm done I notice I'm crying again and I just break and go to my bathroom and pull out my old friend Mr. Razor. I make big slashes in my skin then fall to my knees and start sobbing. I thought I was stronger then this but now there are 20 new slashes on my right arm. I thought I could be stronger then this but without Nash I know I'm not. It's only been a week and it seems like there's no hope in finding him. "NASH WHERE ARE YOU!"
Shawn bursts through the door.
"CAMERON what are you doing" I shove him off but he takes me and tries to stop the bleeding then wraps my arm up. "Cam you are better then this. Why would you do this." I'm probably closest with Shawn so I go ahead and tell him.
"I have feelings for Nash. And one day he got a boner. He didn't know what it was and I-I sucked his d!ck and we both liked it and i like him a lot and i miss him so much. I should have been there to pick him up from tryouts and see how he did. Instead I was in a stupid meeting now he is gone from me. But Shawn I can't live without Nash I miss him so much. Why did they have to take him why couldn't they take me" he just looks at me shocked till he hugs me. "Look Cameron it will be alright we are doing everything we can here how about you go take a shower and I'll be here when you're done and then we can watch a movie and go to bed"
I just nod and head to the shower. While I'm in it I just let the water hit my while I lean my head on the wall. I start crying till my on the ground hugging my knees. Shawn come son and gets in with me and just holds me whispering in my ear. "It's ok cam bam we are gonna find him it will be alright." I cry more and more. "Shhh it's ok let it all out"
When I'm finally done crying he helps me wash my hair then I get out and head to bed. All I can think about while I'm laying is bed is nash and I even dream about him. He is all that's on my mind. Nash I miss you

A/n hey sorry it took long for an update. Soccer just got over so I'll have more free time. Please leave comments on what you think hope you like his