Bad Romance(Book1)

Chapter 22-Home

The words ran away from me...

Anka

I waited for Jared's arrival just like someone waited for the rain in the desert. My doctor also suggested that I should go and visit a psychiatrist just to make sure I was overcoming the dark times that I've passed through properly.

Given my recent addiction I wasn't given any pills regarding depression, so the best medicine was to talk freely in a non judgmental environment. Strangely, I had no craving to any type of drug, but that wasn't something to sleep on. I had to do what I had to do to overcome this, if I ever wanted the chance of a normal life.

So here I was, waiting for my turn on the leather couch. I shuffled my legs under the plastic chair I was sitting in, until a nurse called me in. I was showed in a bright office, that smelled of vanilla and cinnamon, strangely a smell that made me want to puke.

"How are you feeling today Anka?", asked the doctor smiling.

He was a man in his late fifties, with a set of grey hair and very thick eyebrows. He looked strangely funny as he was writing stuff down in a chart.

"The same as yesterday I guess.", I replied.

"Well, what do you want to talk about today? Do you think we can lift that weight from your chest? Or at least ease up the pain?", he asked calmly.

"I don't know if I can trust you.", I replied.

My answers were very short and didn't betray any emotions whatsoever.

"I can assure you that everything we talk about stays in this office. No matter how wrong you think it may sound. This is a safe place, where you can be free to talk about everything. What bothers you?"

There were a lot of things that bothered me. A whole lot of them...I didn't know which one to pick first, so I decided to start with a question.

"Have you ever felt so helpless that you would want to end it all in a second?", I asked, wrapping my robe tighter on my body.

"I think all of us have gone through that phase. It's the way we manage things in the end. There is always a solution to our problems, even though we can't see it in the beginning. Why did you have these thoughts in the first place? Was it something work related? Or relationship related?"

"Because I thought I would never be good enough for someone."

In reality the whole thing fueled from a visit that I paid to a gynecologist. I wanted to know if after so many years of working as a prostitute I could still have kids. It was a common problem among working girls. The constant change of partners and the constant sex affected many of them in the long term.

The doctor's answer wasn't something that I expected to hear. No even remotely close. He told me that I couldn't conceive naturally. He did however offer me alternatives. And that's when it all started.

"Are you talking about Jared? Don't look so surprised. Everyone knows that you two are dating. News travel fast. All the nurses like him.", he said with a wink.

I gulped and then I started looking at my fingers. I didn't trust him. He looked like someone that could blurt out anything to a news channel for a good amount of money. I didn't want to risk dragging Jared into that.

"Anka you have to talk to me. If you don't do that, I won't be able to help you. So are you ready to do that?"

"Yes, I am. I come from a very simple family and I never thought that I would end up where I am. In my head I have a clear idea of how things worked out for me. And it didn't involve Jared. Or dating a celebrity.", I admitted.