New School...New Crush?

The End Of Us

(Hey guys! So I told Raymond what ethan said and Raymond said he didn't care.)

Monday:
   I've been feeling down lately. I'm not sure why. It's like whenever I'm around Raymond I'm not happy anymore. I don't get butterflies or a warm fuzzy feeling anymore. It's been odd. I told Raymond that I feel as if I'm drifting away, and he said he's sorry. But that was it. He didn't try to see if I needed help or if there was something we could to become more connected. He didn't do anything. I guess that what made me a bit more resilient towards him. I'm not sure though.

Tuesday:
    This week has been terrible. I've been trying to do things and I've been trying to get closer with him but it just won't work. No matter what I try he doesn't seem to make me happy. I've been dealing with a lot of stuff lately but he doesn't seem to wanna help me through it. I try talking to him about what's bugging me but it's like he doesn't listen. So..I turned to Ethan. I didn't mean to but he asked if something was wrong and so I told him, but he responded! I was a bit surprised but he stood by me and he helped me work through a lot of my problems. He does have a girl friend and he isn't like making any advances, so it not like that but he does seem to be like a big brother. He has helped me quite a bit. Me and ethan have been talking quite a bit lately. And we turn to one another when we got problems, or need to get things off out chest.

Wednesday:
     I am so scared. Everywhere I turn one of my friends are going through a break up. I've been helping them out, finding ways for them to vent and not lose thier minds, all the while I'm scared of what will happen between me and Raymond. I've lost a lot of friends this week, but I've made plenty more. I've seen a couple of people looking down and I went to talk to them and I end up helping them out with thier breakup. I love helping people and I seem to have knack for it I guess. But I'm still scared for me and Raymond.
Thursday:
    He lied to me! I thought he was but told myself he wasnt... but he lied! I asked him before we were dating if he ever did anything sexual with another girl. I could care less if he has or not, that's between him and God and besides it means he got some skill, I just wanted the truth. Ever since we started dating people have came up to me and told me all this stuff Raymond has done, and I would respond saying, "I don't care who is his ex as long as I'm the last." Well one of my friends came up to me and told me that he made her do sexual things with him when they were dating. At first I didn't believe it, so I confronted him about it. He said he did. I was hurt. He lied to me! He looked me in the eye, held my hand, and flat out lied! That hurts. Made me feel worthless. Like I didn't matter. Like are my feelings not worth anything to you? A relationship cant have secrets. Its built on trust, and he just broke mine. I mean, it makes me wonder, what else has he lied about? How many times did he look me in the eye, stoked my hand, and lied? I'm not sure what to do.

Friday:
   I told Raymond I wanted to talk. Yes I was hurting, I felt my heart break. It was like my chest was burning but freezing at the same, and I can feel it ripping apart. But I was gonna give him the benefit of doubt. I was gonna fight. I was gonna fight for this relationship, because I had a good feeling about him. Well we were gonna meet at breakfast at school, but then he walked away. I tried at lunch, and got there early. Robert and Ethan both got there early so I sat with them until Raymond came. Just as I saw him walking up, my friend came by hurt. Something was wrong with her, so I got up and took her to the side to help her out and give her some advice. As I was giving her some advice I see Raymond walk out of the school. I felt lost and dissapointed. I thought he cares enough for "us" that he would not mind getting his food first. I felt worthless and for the second time I felt my heart break. Then Ethan shows up. Good old trusty Ethan. He saw how hurt i was and asked if I wanted to go to the store with him. I said yes. But, neither one of us had any money so instead me and him hung out in the alley talking about everything but relationships. I saw him have these cute little side smiles during the moments of silence in the convo. Stop it! I can't be liking him! Stop!

  He wants to what!? After lunch, I went to class like normal. We didn't get to talk, but I'm trying to text him. As I'm heading to my next class, I'm suddenly surrounded by friends. Ethan, Robert, Emily, and austin. Robert comes up to me and says, "Raymond wants to break up with you." What? Then he walked away leaving me agape. I just stood there outside, staring at the ground. I could hear my friends voice but I couldn't hear what they were saying. I was dumbfounded. I thought he wanted to fight. I didn't think he wanted to give up. Staring at the ground I say, "Well guess I had a good run." And walked off. I couldn't think, I couldn't do anything. It wasn't until about halfway to my class did I realize that Ethan was walking beside me. He was by my side. During that class me and Ethan texted, he tried to keep a smile on my face. It didn't work.

I'm worried. I haven't seen Raymond all day at school, he won't respond to any of my texts, and his friends won't talk to me. I'm worried that he did something bad. Also I'm worried about me and ethan. I can feel myself have feelings for him. When we first met, I immideaty felt more comfortable around him than I did Raymond. He's been there for me and he always seem to lift my spirits when I am down. Well I felt terrible, he has a Girlfriend and I haven't been able to talk to Raymond on what happened. I know I can't be falling for another guy. Especially not when I'm still trying to figure out where me and Raymond stand. What is wrong with me?

   It's the middle of the night and I am helping ethan. He told me that he can feel him and his girlfriend drifting apart. So I was trying to help him find ways to get closer with her again. For thier relationship to grow. I gave him some advice and spent about an hour thinking up of ways to help him and her out. I felt pretty good. Glad I could help, however I'm still waiting for a response from Raymond. I haven't seen him nor heard from him.

Saturday:
   He finally texted back. I asked him if it is true. Thay he wants to break up, and he says he doesn't know. So it's still up in the air. I wanna talk to him about it. I wanna fight for this but now, I don't think it's worth it. The pain is to much. I don't know what to do. Should I break this off? What do I do about ethan?

(Hey guys. Sorry it's so long. Been wanting to do a chapter a day but instead decided to do one big kne. I need advixe. What should I do?)