Being Anna Marie

Being Anna Marie Part 25

No matter how hard I tried to control the slight irrepressible tremor within my unsteady palms its weakness showed as I continued to lace up the blue and white converse sneakers I had slipped my feet into. My sight blurred for a second too overwhelmed by the useless emotion labeled sadness before ruthlessly I swallowed the emotion back down into the dark hole inside of me while internally knowing Andrea stood perceptively watching my every move.

“Are you sure you want to do this today?” she questioned for the millionth time much to my annoyance. She began smothering me with attention the moment she realized the truth in my words, and although I wanted her belief in my pleas her over protectiveness was clearly overkill. 

“And what exactly are we going to tell Gabe if we don’t?” I rose from my seat at the windowsill pulling my black shirt down over my jeans before I paused before the vanity.

“I’m just saying you didn’t get much sleep.”

My brow rose at that comment, our eyes meeting within the reflection before she continued, “well obviously… and the last thing you need is to exert yourself further by trying to expand your gifts.”

Groaning inwardly, I turned impatient eyes back towards my big sister, “Drea, you aren’t telling me anything I don’t already know, but-.”

“There are no buts. You’re my sister and your wellbeing comes first, not training!”

I twisted back to the mirror so that she wouldn’t see the rueful smirk lingering upon my lips as I reached for my hair tie. Where was that attitude when she had allowed locus to chew the flesh off of me?

“Andrea, I’m fine,” I insisted as I bundled my mass of wild curls up into a high ponytail.

Andrea moved until she stood directly behind me, her eyes full of unwanted pity, “then why is it that you’ve barely spared a glance at that bed since this morning?”

I froze, my arms falling back to my sides, my eyes downcast as I tried to push those horrid memories out of my mind. “I’m fine,” I declared and yet this time there was a blatant lack of conviction within my tone.

Her hand touched my shoulder, our gazes colliding. There was something so strangely similar within our irises now, and then I realized what it was… It was buried shame. “Just remember,” she whispered, “I know exactly what you’re going through. I’ve been there, and avoiding it doesn’t make it disappear.”

My lips began to quiver as flashes of this morning I could no longer contain besieged my brain just as thankfully Gabe’s voice invaded my ghastly thoughts.

“Marie, is everything okay? I’m already leaving the house.”

Taking a deep cleansing breath I shelved my distraught feelings of misery in the same place I shelved my feelings of my mother’s obvious abandonment. I closed my eyes, mentally watching as blackness slithered over the memories of my undesirable wakeup call before I allowed my lids to reopen, and as I gazed into my flat hazel orbs they finally remained blessedly lifeless. And yet more importantly free of tears.

Internally I responded, “Gabe, everything is fine. Grace should be walking out the door soon.”

I turned back to my sister now completely emotionless, “Gabe’s on his way, and Grace should be leaving any second now. We should go.”

Her hand still gripping my arm stopped me from further movement, her saddened tone attempting to force me back into that black hole, “Anna-.”

Yanking from within her grasp, my gaze remained pissed as it clashed with her own, “don’t. You told me not to pretend and I’m not. The only way to defeat his brand of depravity so that my story doesn’t end the same as yours did is to learn to crush him completely. Gabe can teach me how to do that! I need to do that! Because quite frankly I refuse to be his victim!”