Being Anna Marie

Being Anna Marie part 8

Red conquered tan, running through lined crevices, it's never-ending trail gliding unaided down my arms, scarlet colored diamonds cruelly embedded themselves into my flesh uncaring of the damage its presence did not only to the surface of my skin, but also to the capacity of my metal well being. My fingers trembled under the horrifying sight trying to make sense of something I normally would have deemed complete insanity.

What had I done? Why was it that anytime something unspeakable happened it seemed to happen only to me?

The excruciating pain, obdurate in its unyielding quest to withdraw every ounce of liquid from my hazel gaze continued to ruthlessly throb throughout my hands, and yet its agony inducing ache was nothing compared to the confusion that plagued my mind. How was it that I was alone in the bathroom? I had been no where near the glass and yet here I stood covered in my own blood. Tears continued to drip like rain trickling down a window pane falling in silence from my trembling chin, my chest quivering as it rose and fell in a panicked procession in my failed attempts to cease the outpour of sadness I felt engulfing me from within.

"It's okay Anna, we'll just get this cleaned up, and you'll be as good as new," Clarice murmured reassuringly, her green eyes were kind as she placed my shaken form on my bed hurrying to get the supplies to stop the trickle of scarlet painting the white tile. "The good thing is that none of these cuts are deep."

She went to grab for my hand only to pause as I still moved to resist her touch.

Green eyes met a terrified hazel, "Anna, I have to touch you in order to clean your wounds. Nothing is going to happen. Do you hear me?"

Her words were spoken gently and yet I still held back. How I wished I could swallow those well meant lies, but a vision of Maria's face, revulsion lining her features surpassed my once naive notions of the beliefs of normalcy the simple act of skin touching used to be, its sight causing me to continue to pull away.

"Anna, that burn has to be painful. You have to want me to put something on that," she replied soothingly. "How did you get burned anyway?"

My hazel eyes as if the weight of the world clung to my long lashes fell from hers looking pass the abundant flow of blood, pass the multitude of tiny cuts towards the reddened burns that until this moment I hadn't even noticed lined my once undamaged skin, the exact shape of fingers. Delicately my bloody hand rose towards the discolored marks that graced my arms, unnerving alarm traveling within me at the realization that my fingers fit perfectly over the inflamed skin. My mind wandered back to that moment I had faced my ominous reflection, her contemptuous gaze, the spitefulness of her tongue... her blistering touch...

"There, the worse is over. I'll put something on that burn and bandage that up and we'll be all set," Clarice exclaimed with a smile, my mind barely registering that not only had she touched me, but more importantly nothing had resulted from the contact.

Only God knew how I wished, longed to return to pass days of my disillusioned childhood. Back to nights when tears soaked my pillow at the realization of my mother's love never seeming to expand far enough to reach Andrea's and my hearts. Back to feeling completely ignored by the one person I ached to have their approval, and yet still everything made sense. And while I hated living with my step father I knew what to expect, what to dread instead of this constant state of confusion, the bewildering unknown I now felt ensnared in.

"Okay, well why don't you get changed? I laid out a beautiful dress for you, and paired with this lovely white cardigan your cuts and bruises will barely be noticed."

I glanced blindly at the knee length floral covered pink sun dress hanging on the door of my closet with distaste before turning back to her joyful green eyes. "Why would I wear that? What's wrong with my normal regulation jogs and tee?"