Rushbrooke End (Book 4)

Chapter 11

"I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them."

― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

After half an hour of fruitless searching Lilly was forced to admit there was nothing to find in the library.

"There must be someone I can ask," she put the last paper back dejectedly.

"But who? You mustn't arouse any suspicion."

"Why not? Perhaps I'll ask Lord Grimshaw."

"But then he'll know you were snooping, you can't do that." They made their way towards the chairs in the corner of the room.

"If it gets me answers I don't care if he knows I was snooping."

"Oh Lilly why must you be so..."

"So what?" Lilly challenged.

"So audacious!"

"What do you mean?"

"You should have more self respect and take better care of your reputation. Richard won't be able to protect you forever."

"What are you going on about?"

"People, ladies especially, are beginning to talk about you. You need to be more careful about what you do and say."

"Oh please, do you think I'm scared of a little gossip?"

"You should be! People take it seriously you know, you'll be ridiculed and laughed at and no one respectable will be able to be seen with you without being laughed at themselves."

"That's not true, you're being absurd. I'll be fine."

"I'm not just talking about you!" Alice snapped suddenly, her cheeks turning pink. "Even George said to Helen that you were being very strange and rather crass and I, quite frankly, agree with him."

"Well if precious George says so it must be true." Lilly rolled her eyes. "If George has a problem he can take it up with me. Why were George and Helen discussing me anyway?"

"He just commented on the situation with Lord Ovendon and Helen and I were stuck listening to him. But he's not wrong, you must remember that you're not a child anymore."

"What are you saying?"

"All I'm saying is that you need to watch what you do and say, you're practically in the public eye."

"I don't know why you mind so much," Lilly said sulkily.

"Helen's been through so much already I couldn't bare it if anything else were to go wrong."

" What has Helen been through?" Lilly asked instantly curious.

"Nothing, I just mean she's finally found a betrothed and she loves George and wants to marry him. If his family thinks anything's strange or off about our family they'll call off the engagement.

"She's barley known him for a week, how can she be love with him? And why does this matter to you? Helen's a stuck up prig."

"You're no better than a child," said Alice accusingly, "you can't see beyond your own needs and wants."

"I doubt it's love she's feeling. She just inhaled too many smelling salts is all. Why are you so determined to stand up for Helen?" Lilly ignored her sister's cutting remarks.

"It's called compassion, something I wouldn't expect you to understand. And she does love him. Just because you're being terrified of human compassion or affection doesn't mean you can ruin it for Helen."