Loving Someone//Phan

philip

It almost made Phil smile.

Watching the brunet boy experience Phil's music for the first time was quite amusing. His fringe flopped as he nodded his head to the beat, causing Phil to giggle on the inside. The cross expression that was usually frozen on the boy's face seemed to melt into relaxation. His eyes widened from their glare and his mouth lifted from its frown. It was as if the boy was waking up from a nightmare for the first time. It gave Phil's stressful day a little bit of meaning.

Before the boy left, Phil wrote the songs  down for him in case he wanted to listen at home, signing a little "Phil" at the end.

"Amazing," the boy said with a smile. His dark eyes suddenly brightened. His eyes crinkled at the edges and a deep dimple came out of hiding. It was like watching chocolate melt into a gooey, sweet mess.

"Dan, hurry the hell up!" The bus driver had yelled right before the boy sprinted away. Phil watched him until he disappeared around the corner.

For some reason, Phil really wanted to let Dan listen his music again.
•••

"I'm home, Mum!" Phil called from the door.

"Philly!" Lacey called from the living room. She darted towards him and attached herself to his leg, almost sending Phil toppling over. She was 6 years old now, and becoming heavier each day.

"Hello love," he said and ruffled her bright, curly red hair.

"Martyn and I are playing Don't Touch the Lava, wanna play too?" She bubbled.

"In a little while, I have homework 'n stuff. Where are Noah and Ellie?"

"Ellie is with Mum. Noah's in his room. He won't let me come in," she pouted.

Phil sighed. "Okay... Well, go help Mum with dinner and I'll play when you've finished. Deal?"

Lacey bounded off to he kitchen before Phil could take a breath. He made his way upstairs to Noah's room.

"Noah?" Phil knocked lightly on his door. "Can I come in?"

"No," a terse voice replied.

"Please? I just want to say hi."

There was no answer, so Phil took it as a yes. He turned the doorknob and peaked in.

"Hey bud," he said awkwardly. Noah was lying on his bed with his eyes closed. His hair is becoming so long, Phil thought.

Noah was the second oldest, now almost 13 years old, but quite distant from the family. Ever since their dad had died, he was mostly sulking in his room, refusing to talk to anyone. Phil had tried having a conversation with him, but it was impossible to build off of a relationship that never really began. Watching his brother mope around all day while he worked his ass off to keep the family from falling apart irritated him, to say the least.

"We need help with dinner, could you come put in some effort?" Phil said gently.

"Lacey and Martyn can do it."

"Noah, they're not the only members of this family. You are too."

"Doesn't seem like it." He rolled on his side, away from his older brother.

"You need to come help. You are a part of this family whether you believe so or not," Phil said sternly.

"I don't fucking want to be."

"Watch your mouth!"

"Or what?" Noah sat up abruptly, his face red. "You're going to ground me? You're not Dad, dammit. Stop pretending like you are."

Phil opened his mouth to shoot back, but quickly noticed Lacey standing in the doorway. Tears filled her blue eyes.

"Great, look at what you've done." Phil went and picked her up. "Shh Lace, it's okay. We were just talking. Don't be scared."

He gave his brother an angry glare before carrying her away, Noah slamming the door behind him.

"Give him time," his mother said after Phil complained. "He's grieving like the rest of us. It's natural."

"Mum, he's got a mental problem. He needs to be treated."

"Accepting treatment is accepting weakness," his mother said for the millionth time in his life. "If he wants happiness, he will find it on his own."

Phil gritted his teeth in frustration. He was strongly against his mothers beliefs that accepting treatment is giving up. His brother was slipping into a dark hole, and if something wasn't done about it, there would be major consequences. His family was being held together with thread, and this could be what broke it.

Phil decided he needed time alone from his family members. He stepped into his room, closed the door, and put his headphones on. The soft cushion against his ears began to remind him of a certain brown haired boy.

Instantly, Phil went online in search of new songs. Rock, alternative, anything that Dan may appreciate. Anything that gave him that excited feeling of seeing warm, brown eyes. They could listen to it on the way to school and back. Maybe afterwards, they could talk about what they liked and what the songs mean to them. Maybe.

Phil tossed his headphones aside and searched for his earbuds. Less sound, which would be annoying, but they could listen together. As friends.

He placed the earbuds in his ears, and listened to the first song that played.

But I won't give you up,
I won't let you down.
And I won't leave you falling,
If the moment ever comes.