Loving Someone//Phan

philip

It was early morning, and Phil stood at his bus stop trying very hard not to pass out from exhaustion. He regretted being up so late last night, but there wasn't much he could have done about it. A lot of it was spent crying into his bed sheets or hitting his pillow and cursing out Dan under his breath. At one point, his little sister walked in on him sobbing into his pillow. That was a tough one to cover up.

Phil was absolutely terrified of getting on the bus. Half of him expected Dan to just forget about the whole fight, but that was probably false hope. Another part of him worried that Dan wouldn't even allow him to sit in the same seat as him again. If that was the case, Phil would be stuck back at square one, desperately finding someone who would take someone like him.

He glanced down at his outfit and noticed his idiotic outfit. The shirt he had chosen wrapped around his torso too tightly, highlighting his tummy. Phil hugged himself around his waist self consciously, trying to hide the pudg. His outfit was a sorry attempt to match a weird, multicolored flannel with blue skinny jeans. No wonder everyone thought he was gay. He looked the part.

He could hear the school bus approaching around the corner. As soon as it came into view, Phil let his gaze hit the ground. He didn't want to see Dan in the window. The anxiety he felt was almost overwhelming. Every event that could go wrong in the next 15 minutes was making its way into Phil's thought process. The school bus  slowed down next to him and squealed to a stop.

Phil timidly climbed on and made his way down the aisle with his eyes dragging the ground. His arms stayed planted tightly around his stomach. The other students' stares burned into his skin harshly. The whispers and giggles swarmed his ears like a haunting ghost. His legs became numb, warning that they might give away at any second.

When he reached his seat, he couldn't help it anymore. He allowed his eyes to find Dan.

He's so beautiful.

He was wearing a dark black hoodie that swallowed his lower neck like a blanket. He had dark grey skinny jeans on (that hugged his legs very nicely, Phil noticed). But what threw Phil off were the black earrings. Holy fuck, Dan looked good in earrings.

"Since when have you had your ears pierced?" asked Phil.

God dammit Philip. That's the first thing you say? He wanted to punch himself in the gut for being so stupid.

"Uh... since yesterday." Dan didn't look at him.

"Oh." Phil sat down. He slid his book bag to the floor and placed his hands awkwardly in his lap. He could feel how sweaty and uncomfortable they were.

He watched as Dan's eyes were glued to the sky outside. The two boys stayed silent for what felt like centuries. Phil became frustrated. He wanted to scream out, to force an answer out of Dan, anything that could fix the problem they had.

"D-Dan, can we talk about-"

"Please," Dan closed his eyes. "Don't."

"I'm not going to sit here while you ignore me," Phil raised his voice and then became aware of the people around him. "I want to know what happened." He said harshly.

"Nothing. Nothing happened. Forget about it," Dan said dismissively and turned away.

"Daniel-"

"Don't call me that!" Dan snapped. Phil looked down to avoid his angry stare.

"I-I'm... I'm sorry for the way- for how I acted." Dan said at almost a whisper. "I think you should stay away. I'm only going to hurt you."

"No! No Dan you could never hurt me."

"Oh yeah? Then why the hell were you crying yesterday." He waited, but Phil didn't respond. "Yeah. Because of me. Fucking Dan Howell can't do shit without messing everything up."

Phil balled his hands into fists. His stomach was tied into an angry knot, and his chest felt tight.

"Dan," Phil took a shaky breath. "I don't- I don't know what I did wrong. I don't know if it's because no one at this school likes me, or because we almost... because of what happened in the fort, but I can't stand you pushing away from me like this. I want... I want to be friends with you D-Dan. I-" He took another breath before the tears started pouring out. "I can't not be friends with you. Please, that's all I want."

Dan's glanced stayed attached to his legs. He was biting at his lip. Phil couldn't tell if Dan was about to cry or yell at him. Either way, he didn't know if he could handle it.

"Phil I-" He stopped, then restarted. "I want you to know that I really..."

"Yes?"

Dan clenched his teeth and slammed his eyes shut. Phil watched as the brown haired boy took deep breaths.

"Phil can I do something?"

"Do what?" Phil raised his eyebrows.

"Promise you won't get mad."

"Depends on what it is."

"Promise me, Phil."

"Okay, okay. I promise." His stomach flooded with anxiety. What did he just get himself into? He kept his eyes locked on his friend.

Suddenly, Phil felt something soft and cool touch his hand. It wrapped itself around Phil's fingers and squeezed tightly. Phil looked down to see Dan's hand intertwined with his.

Phil's fingers and heart erupted like firecrackers.