Loving Someone//Phan

daniel

It was around 6:30 a.m., and Dan was laying on his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling in his darkened room. It was completely silent except for the small whirring fan he kept on the floor next to him. The boy's eyes sunk heavily with exhaustion but his brain refused to fall asleep. The dull, grey atmosphere of his room hung around him like a depressing fog.

He had been in and out of sleep for a couple of hours now. Disturbing nightmares kept waking him up every time he dozed off. In the first one, Daniel was trapped in a pitch-black room. He could see an end to it, a small glimmer of light. He could hear Phil's voice saying, "C'mon Dan, you can do it. You're almost there. I'm here. Come find me." He kept running towards the light but it seemed that the faster he ran, the farther away it got. "Phil!" He tried to yell, but all that came put was an irritating scratch in his throat.

When he woke up for the fourth time in a sweaty mess, he decided to take a walk. Quietly, he pushed open the window to his bedroom and slid out, landing on the cool grass beneath him. He silently praised the fact that his house was only one story.

It was still dark outside. Stars were scattered among the sapphire sky, and weak street lights cast blurry shadows onto the pavement. The brown haired boy laid down on the dampened grass. He couldn't really understand what his feelings were at this time. He felt happy and relaxed while staring at the painted sky. He had nothing and nobody to worry about at this moment except for himself. However, the happiness seemed to hold a darkening weight to it. He felt like he was missing something. Or someone.

After a while, the sun began to lift itself from the ground. The sky was beginning to lighten a bit. Yet again, Dan fell in love with the swirl of baby blue and midnight black above him.

He began to cry.

For so long, Dan's life had been one long and stressful nightmare. He woke up, got out of bed, got yelled at by Greg, got on the bus, got yelled at by bullies, went to class, got yelled at by teachers, got back on the bus, saw the bullies again, got home, got yelled at by Greg, went to bed. That was his life everyday for the past couple of years. It was a terrifying, repeating cycle that never seemed to end.

Until the new kid came.

When he met Phil, it was like his curse had been broken. A dark, haunting cloud had been pulled away from his head and he could finally see. He had panicked at the new feeling. He reacted in the wrong way out of confusion. He yelled at his only friend simply because he couldn't control his actions.

Now as he laid on the grass, silently sobbing into his hands, he wanted nothing more than Phil to be beside him. He wanted nothing more than to rewind his day and save his friendship. He felt hopeless and extremely unwanted. He had ruined the only thing that brought sunshine to his dark cloud.

He dreaded going to school. Would Phil sit next to him? Would he talk to him if he did?

Would Dan have to go back to being alone again?

The thought physically hurt him. God, he had fucked up so bad. What the hell was he thinking?

Becoming aware of the time, Dan decided to slip back into his bedroom window. He closed it as quietly as possible and stepped into the bathroom to get ready. Seeing his reflection instantly made him cringe. He looked so tired and worn down. Dark circles clung underneath his eyes. All he could do was sigh and look away.

He walked to his bus stop with anxiety burning in his gut. He tried to come up with things to say.

I'm so sorry Phil.

I didn't mean what I said.

I was just having a bad day.

I miss you, Phil.

He just sounded stupid and desperate. He felt like it, too.

The only thing he could think to say that truly told Phil how he felt was something Dan would never admit. The last thing he wanted to do was make the dark haired boy hate him even more.  The thought of admitting those words terrified him more than any obstacle he faced throughout the day.

But at the same time, it was only three words.

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i have to admit, i'm a bit proud of this one. however, i didn't really edit so sorry if there are weird typos haha.

new chapter coming soon!