Life in Brooklyn

Chapter 25

When tony woke up, he was already eager to see steve, but had to wait for his surgeon to check on him and make sure he's fit to be out of bed.
He was just enough.
He got in the wheelchair and told Bruce to hurry as he pushed him through the hallways, into the elevator, and to steves room.
He thought it'd be easier to see steve, he thought it'd be just like visiting him, but seeing him restrained to the bed and in the state he was currently in. The air escaped his lungs and he was unable to fill them again. But did, just he wasn't conscious of it.
He was rolled closer to the bed and he almost burst into tears right then and there when steves eyes slowly opened a few minutes later.
This time, less groggy and able to move. He saw figured on the corner of his eye, the dark hair, pale skin. He figured it was Bucky again and he was going to try to get him to talk again, but his voice was different. So he turned his head and saw that it was tony.
He half smiled at him and put a hand on his forearm. "Hey." "Tony?"
"Yeah, it's me."
He didn't know what else to say. The look on tonys face was heartbreaking. He thought about what he must've put tony through and how much harder everything is now. He woke up, and steve went crazy. That's what steve thought about it. He thought he was crazy now.
"Steve?"
"I-I'm sorry." "What for? You never did anything wrong." He rubbed his arm a bit.
"For making this harder than it already is," he looked down. "The first thing you see when you wake up is me going absolutely crazy."
Tony shook his head and turned to the doctor. "Can we have a few minutes?" He hesitated to nod, then left with Bucky and Bruce behind him.
Tony turned back to him. "Steve, you're not crazy." He tried to convince him, even if he knew it wouldn't have much of an affect. Steve pursed his lips and held back tears as he shook his head slightly. "Steve, talk to me." Tony pleaded. "Let me help."
It must've been the fact tony was steves boyfriend and that he was still hurt that made steve give in and talk. "The screaming... it-it won't stop..." tears made their way down his cheeks and he looked straight into tonys eyes.
Tony relaxed slightly but tensed even more at the same time.
"And the blood... won't go away... and the pain, the gunfire, the girl..."
Tony could understand why the blood, the pain and the gunfire would happen, but who was the girl? "What girl?" Steve tried wiping away the tears with his shoulder, but tony wiped them away for him with the back of his fingers. "Let me help." He said and brushed steves hair back a bit. He felt a slight pain in his chest, maybe more then slight, but he ignored it and focused on steve. "What girl?"
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "I-I... she- I killed her," he decided to say. Tony felt his heart drop and he tilted his head to the side. "It's my fault, it's all my fault..." he shook his head and realized there wasn't any screaming.
Tony didn't know what to say. 'It's going to be ok' didn't seem suitable for the occasion. "It's not your fault steve."
"But it is," he looked back at tony with his blue eyes overflowing with tears. "I didn't have to bomb the school, but I did. Please... please help me..."
That left tony completely speechless. He couldn't get words out and he could barely understand them at this point. He wanted to say he didn't have a choice, but he was in so much pain and guilt, it was spreading to tony and he could barely speak.
After a few long minutes of silence, the doctor came back in with Bucky and Bruce.
Tony grabbed steves arm a little tighter when the doctor asked if he was ready to speak with a psychiatrist. Steve had looked at tony, who only rubbed his arm and left steve to make the decision.
He nodded. Bucky sighed in relief and Bruce shifted in his spot.
A therapist came in and everyone was forced to leave the room. Tony was forced to go back to his room too. His surgeon said he'd been out of bed enough and now he seriously needed more rest. He didn't argue, he was all too surprised and actually needed to sleep on it.
Steve had only briefly described what happened that day to the therapist. The next, he said a bit more. The next, a bit more, and so on. Eventually, the restraints were removed and he hung out in tonys room instead.
He had been getting better in a way. Talking about it really helped, but he was still on meds and had to talk to a therapist from now on until told he no longer had to.
He did. He still didn't talk about it to Bucky though, which tony thought he should since they're the ones who went through it. He might be able to help even more. But if steve didn't want to, he couldn't force it.
A week later they were allowed to leave. Bucky had to stick with steve, Natasha had to stick with Bucky, someone had to stick with tony, whoever wasn't with tony had to stick with tony, and steve and tony were inseparable, so they went to tonys mansion for the space.
This time, steve could look around it and awe at its size a bit more. Bucky and Natasha did too. Bruce, Rhodes and tony just made their way to wherever they were going like it was natural for them to go through a house, THAT BIG. Which it was, for them.
Somehow, Bucky and Natasha found their room, and steve just followed tony to theirs. The room itself was the size of steve entire apartment.
The apartment he hadn't been to in weeks, which made him think of all of the places he hadn't been to in weeks. The diner, the park, around town, the bar, the supermarket. His awed smiled disappeared as he looked down at the floor. Thinking about all those things brought back that goddamned man who tried to kill tony.
"Hey, you ok?" Tony asked from the other side of the bed.
Steve snapped out of it and nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine." Tony gave him that look, the you're-bad-at-lying-so-shut-up-for-your-own-sake look, but somehow also the please-tell-me-bby look. "I'm fine." He repeated.