Better Than Revenge | A.L {2}

7. Emotionless

The thoughts are back; you're a piece of shit, no one cares about you, you don't deserve him, kill yourself, you're worthless, he is better off without you, he is only with you because he doesn't want to hurt, go on cut yourself like you use to, go away you are nothing, break up with him to end his misery, he doesn't love you... 

I was crying on the bathroom floor with the razor in my hand ready to harm myself. I'm not sure what to do anymore. I know Izzy would be here if she could but she's on a mission with Jace and Alec. She would know what to do. I hear a shuffle in my room, I stuff the razor in my back pocket and open the door with my makeup running down my face. It was Lydia. I cross my arms and look at her. 

"What do you want?" I said while looking at the ground 

"Alec is what I want. Give him up. He is miserable with you. He and I have been seeing each other without you knowing. He said he doesn't love you." she said so cruel, I decided to go back in the bathroom and bring out my razor again. 

I slid it across my wrist and cried. I knew it. I goddamn knew it. He was miserable, I am stressing him out. I thought he actually cared. Dammit, I knew I should have said no. Now look at me, I'm a mess. I slid it across over and over until I'm ready to pass out. My vision is getting blurry and I see black spots cloud my eyes. I black out. 

-30 minutes later- *Alec's POV*

I walk into the Institute and went straight to Y/N's room. I knock but no answer. I knock again but harder. Still no answer. I open the door and look into the room. No one was in room so I walk over to the bathroom and knocked. No answer still. I tried opening the door but it was locked. I started panicking so I threw myself into the door which opened on the first try. Y/n was laying on the floor with blood coming from her arm. I felt tears run down my cheeks. I start shaking her then checking her pulse. She's alive still. I grab my phone out of my pocket and dial Jace's number. It rings two times and then he answers. 

"Hey, what's up?" He said out of breath. I tell him to come to Y/n's room asap. I hang up and dial Izzy's number. She picks up on the first ring. I was crying now and I tell her to come to Y/n's room now. I'm scared and pissed off. I hold her in my arms while Jace and Izzy run in. I was crying into Y/n's chest and rocking her back and forth. Izzy had her hand over her mouth while crying also. Jace was next to me and he was trying to pick her up I shook my head no. I was still rocking her when Jace had bandages ready to put on her arm. I move my arm to expose her arm. I cried harder and harder. I wanted to know why she would do this. Who made her feel like she needed to harm herself. I kissed her forehead and cried more. Izzy was hugging me while I fell apart. Jace was already done when I looked up finally. 

"Oh my god. What happened?" Lydia said behind us. I hand Y/n to Jace and got up. 

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO!" I yelled while my voice cracked. She looked horrified and out of breath. She acted like she didn't do anything but I knew she did something. Lydia ran off and I went back to the bathroom to be with my babygirl. I cry more than I have ever done in my life. I knew I was definately in love now. Love hurts. I am going to kill Lydia even though Y/n wants to do it but I have a better reason now.