OUR GIRL

43

2 months later- before the party.
" Blair you're so chubby. Your whole face expression has changed."Erin exclaimed as she applied some lipstick on.
Today was going to be my first night away from my child and I was nervous, we were going out and leaving baby Angeline with Renee who kindly agreed to stay with her for us all to have a night like we used to before we were any of this or in any of this famous mess.
I haven't been out or drank in almost a year. A fucking year man, yeah.
" you're shoulders are so broad, dude how much weight have you gained?" She pouted and looked at herself in the mirror ,adjusting her hair before turning to look down at me.
I tied my shoe laces as I spoke "just under 35 pounds at least." I couldn't feel the difference, I was constantly busy with the baby, trying to bounce between Steven and our relationship aswell as my friendship with everyone in the house. I didn't have time for myself.
She widened her eyes at me and her jaw slightly dropped " what? That doesn't bother you? That's like a lot?" She couldn't quite seem to understand.
I looked her up and down but she couldn't see through my glasses"Erin it's not like I'm fat , I'm just not overly skinny like I always have been."
She gave me a look of very sarcastic sympathy"first of all drop the shades,you're a mother now I know you like them but it's been years you should grow out of it." She reached her hand out and pulled me up" and is this what you're wearing?"
" what's wrong ?" I looked down at my outfit.
She cringed " you look like you took clothes from an American loving 13 year old Blair that's what's wrong." She scrunched her eyebrows " what happened to all your dresses?"
Do I tell her?
I sighed " well I don't fit in them" that's when shame kicked in, maybe I Was too busy with everybody else and forgot to take care of myself.
" I'll find something for you." She grabbed my hand and lead me to her bedroom .
----
" Erin it won't work!" I was stood in axls and Erin's bedroom breathing in as much as i could for the past few minutes. This was the 11th dress I tried on.
She made weird noises as she fought to get the zip up " just.. a.. little .. more!"
I let my breath down" I can't!"
Pop.
" fuck!!!" Erin screamed as the zip went up but broke from my fat as it hit the top. " no! That's the biggest one I've got ." She threw herself on the bed and screamed in to the pillow.
" sorry!!!" I fought with my own fatness to get the dress off. She wasn't pissed because it ripped , she was pissed because she was adamant to get me to look good, that was the key.
I stood there half naked and caught a glance of myself in the mirror.
WHAT IS THIS!!
my stomach was hanging over my pants and my arms were really big, I finally had a bum too.
I slowly walked over to the mirror with horror on my face "oh god."
" what?" Erin lifted her head up from the pillow .
I snapped out of it and turned to her " nothing I'll go change." I had to get out of that room and to mine right now .
I swung the door open, Steven was in there fresh out of the shower, throwing on one of his favourite shirts.
" no! Don't look!" I screamed as he turned around to see who just entered the room." I mean don't look please I'm half naked." I calmed down the tone of my voice.
He chuckled a bit and shook his head"a bit of baby fat hasn't hurt anybody Blair calm down."
He noticed too? Now I felt a whole lot worse.
" yeah ." I faked a smile and ran over to our wardrobe, I couldn't have dug through it faster. I finally found my old tight black jeans that have always been too big for me but brand new and an over sized white shirt which had a v neck so it added 'something ' to the look.
" you look good." Steven nodded his head at me in approval."where's the shades tho?" He noticed I wasn't wearing my sunglasses.
" Erin didn't like them." I shut the wardrobe and threw on some nice heels that just happened to sit there .
" I like them." He winked at me, smacked my ass then left the room. I didn't even question where he was gone anymore.
Now I was alone and lost in my thoughts.
I'm fat is what I'm establishing.
" hey you okay?" Duff entered the room half drunk already. " you look lost."
I stood up from the bed "I'm okay, Duff. Do I look ok?" I wasn't even confident in asking that question.
He laughed a weird laugh" like a smoking momma." He ruffled my hair.
Duff always manages to make me feel better , I picked up my bag and off we went .
---
" yeah I'm sure I'm okay guys." This must have been the fifth time I answered izzys and axls question .
They looked at eachother, the look that says ' bullshit I don't believe you .'
I rolled my eyes and stared out of the window." I hope this party will be good." It was Rivers party of course it would be good, he's changed an awful lot.
Steven put his hand on my thigh" it will be good."
I looked down at my leg , his hand wasn't able to wrap around it anymore, God what has this baby done to me?

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