Love You Goodbye

Chapter 16: Niall

                    

Do you mind if...if I sleep on the couch with you?

As Roxanne slept, I combed her hair with my fingers. I missed the way her hair felt as they slid through my fingers. She still smelled like sweet pomegranates too. I pulled her closer to me, not wanting to let go or for this moment to fade away. I had a feeling that later on today, she would go back to her old ways and avoid me. If that was going to happen, I wanted to be able to hold onto this moment a little while longer. 

I reached for the iPod and looked through it. My heart ached when I saw that the song I wrote for Roxanne was on there. I managed to get in touch with someone who let me record the songs I wrote about Roxanne so I could give to her as a six month anniversary present. I set the iPod down and kiss her forehead. She sighed and snuggled closer to me once my lips pulled away, making me chuckle. I closed my eyes and fell asleep next to the girl that I could never stop loving. 

When we woke up around the late afternoon, Roxanne was quiet as usual. She was in her office talking on the phone with someone while I was washing the dishes. Finally, she got out of the office and came into the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator and looked inside of it. 

"What do you feel like having for dinner?" she asked me calmly. 

"Whatever you feel like cooking," I answered. I turned off the faucet and dried my hands. "I never hated anything you cooked yet."

"That's because I'm an amazing cook," she said as she pulled out ingredients. "There's a turkey sandwich in there if you want to eat it right now. Dinner won't be ready in about two hours."

I nodded and grabbed the sandwich. I cut it in half and put it on a separate plate. "You need to eat something too. Do you want me to help you?"

"No, I got it. Take a shower and relax on the couch."

I grimaced, "Are we going to talk about what happened earlier today?"

Roxanne sighed as she pulled out a cutting board and a knife. "Niall, I admitted to you about what happened and what I thought already. What more is there to talk about?"

"We slept on the couch together, Rox. I know that might not seem like anything to you, but it means something to me. It shows that you still need me. Can you at least admit that it means something to you? Or at least tell me if that was just a one time thing?"

She closed her eyes and shook her head. "Honestly, Niall, I have no idea what it means," She looked at me. "I can't trust you anymore. We have so much issues. I have so much issues. I still love you and there's no denying that, but sometimes, love isn't enough. It's better if we're apart, don't you think?"

"I think it's better if we work on each other and not give up. Roxy, what we had was amazing. It wasn't perfect, but it was real and it was beautiful. Hell yeah, we had a fucking lot of problems. Even with all those problems, we fixed them. We can fix this too. All we have to do is try. Don't you want to give us another chance?"

Roxanne turned away and rubbed her face with her hands. "I don't know if I can. Besides, don't you want to focus on your work? You should be focusing on taking down Blackbourne and not trying to fix what we had. Isn't taking out a criminal more important to you?"

"You're what's important," I replied. 

"Niall, I'm sorry, but I don't want any involvement with men like Blackbourne. I dealt with too many men like that in my life already. You're lucky that I've been letting you stay here while you're doing this. I'm done with dealing with that kind of danger. Honestly, I want you to work on Blackbourne and stop worrying about us." She sighed and finally looked at me. "We have a complex history. There will always be a spot where I will always care for you, but sometimes, second chances aren't an option."